I think that living on my own has caused me to lose the ability to converse with people. Witty banter and polite small talk have DIED INSIDE ME.
The scene: taking Charlie out for his business. (Also cleaning out my car, finally. I am very proud of that.) Minding my own beeswax as I nonchalantly walk towards the gate for my building.
Some dude: Hey, you can see the cruise ship going by.
Me: (since I don't know this dude, and he's standing on his fourth-floor balcony so he could be talking to ANYONE) Huh?
SD: There's a cruise ship going by. It's beautiful! Can you see it?
Me: (figuring that he is talking to me, straining my neck to see the ship; since I'm on the ground, all I see is buildings) No.
SD: Oh, it's really neat. You can see them go by all summer.
Me: (realizing with a sinking feeling that I've been sucked into conversation with a stranger about something I can't see) Oh, I didn't know they went by here.
SD: (incredulous) The CRUISE ships?
Me: (defensively) I'm new in town. I don't know anything. (FACT: this is a lie. I say that to excuse myself when I don't know about something I'm supposed to know about. It works always.)
SD: I was new two years ago, I see them all the time.
At this point our painful conversation seems to die, so I watch Charlie for a minute and wait for the dude to say something else. There is silence for a moment, so I go inside. BUT THEN, I think I hear him say something! Something that could be, "My name is blah blah, what's yours?" but since I was already on my way inside, I IGNORED him! What is WRONG with me. Couldn't I have let Charlie sniff the grass for a few moments longer just to be SURE he was done talking to me? I am so bad at normal human things.
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