chickens are really hard to hold

Regarding my last post, I found an image to illustrate my feelings on the matter:

Just in case you can't read it, it's from The Holiday when Kate Winslet discovers the boy she likes is actually engaged to someone else, and she tries to kill herself. Then she realizes that's a stupid thing to do, so she sticks her head out the window and slaps herself in the face. "Low point!" she says. "Low point."

Anyway, that was a low point for me. Yesterday and today went MUCH BETTER, which is surprising to me because on the weekends, which is when that post took place, I get to sleep in; on the week days I get up bright and early to take my little mister for a walk before I go to work.

Speaking of walks, I have met more people from my apartment building in the last week than I have in the entire seven months I've been here. For one thing I leave my apartment more than I used to, and for another thing a lot of people can't resist approaching a puppy. Also, I think it gives people a non-threatening way to interact - I don't know their names and they don't know mine, but they know Charlie's. I've met a lot of rough looking gentlemen who would have intimidated me before, but puppies generally have the same effect on everyone; even rough looking gentlemen. (Unless you have no soul. Then you are exempt from this.)

You know when you're walking by yourself and a car approaches, and you swear it's slowing down as it approaches you and you start freaking out and imaging that you are moments away from being kidnapped? That has happened to me SEVERAL times, except that instead of being in my imagination like usual it's actually legitimately a car slowing down as it approaches me, but instead of kidnapping me all they want to do is point and coo at my puppy.

I have a FOR REAL for real blister from exercise! I am so excited. It's because of all the walking I am doing. I am doing a TON of walking. All over the place! Besides meeting millions of people and being stopped in the middle of the street, I have also noticed that either one person smokes pot ALL THE TIME in my neighbourhood, or else there are a lot of people who smoke pot. But I guess that unless they are driving while high and run me over because they are too chill to notice me, pot is the least of most evils if someone in my neighbourhood is going to be on a drug.

Also I am going to have buns of steel when you see me next. Sometimes I feel my will to live seep out of me with every step I take up the GIANT HILL back to my apartment, but then I realize how dumb it would look to just stand in the middle of a hill like an idiot, so I press on. Plus, I have a little energizer bunny pulling me along. Then I tell myself, use that larger-than-average behind you have, and I propel myself onwards. Soon I will not be able to tell myself that my behind is larger than average, because I walk a million times a day now, up a billion hills. It's pretty fantastic.

One last thing: in Socials class today, one student wanted to go down to the office and pick up something his dad had dropped off. Naturally, every single other student wanted to help him carry it. One student peppered me with questions in his eagerness to get sent along. "What is it? Is it a table? A desk? A chicken? Chickens are really hard to hold."

Maybe you had to be there, but that last part just killed me. Oh, grade sevens. How I will miss you.

fly this blue ink across the page

I finally started my thirty days of creativity. I waited so long because I wanted to collect all the perfect ingredients for my first task, which took longer than expected. But now it's done! My first project, that is, and also my new blog. I started the other blog to force me into committing to the thirty days. I don't expect people to read it, really, unless you're into crafts or whatever, but I need some sort of accountability. I'm going to be doing actual crafts, as I mentioned, and also working on writing stuff again. It might be fun! So here you go:

All I've Got is Some Thread and This Pen.

Sewing up the Fold

I've changed my mind; I don't think it's cheating to plan my 30 days of creativity before I commence. I don't think it's that kind of challenge. Plus, who cares? It's not like I'm entering an actual contest. Thusly, I have chosen my first creative project: magnets! This morning I was tearing pages out of magazines in anticipation for my magnets. It's all very exciting. I've also found a few sewing things, like a bag and a change purse, because I am optimistic about my ability to sew. (I might be disappointed.)

Also this morning I requested a million books from the library. I find that better than walking into the library and perusing the aisles, because I am terrible at choosing books on the fly. What I should have been doing instead was planning Math 9 and looking for apartments. Sometimes I question my decision-making skills.

Haunted by the Ghost of Satisfaction

I wish I was more creative. I am insanely, ridiculously, frog-green with envy over people who can draw or paint, and I believe I would give up any one of my few talents if it meant I could draw or paint. I started reading a blog by this lady who paints really neat stuff, and basically I wish I could assume her identity. I know there's that whole thing about loving yourself and your own talents, and everybody's good at something, and blah blah blah, but presently I am displeased with my skills and covet more interesting ones. Once upon a time I used to write stories, but somewhere back in the mists of time I feel that's been zapped away from me, and I'm hesitant to try again. However, on that lady's blog she talked about a 30 days of creativity challenge, and I'm going to give it a shot. Now all I need to do is legitimately do this thing in 30 days, not save up ideas for two months and then do it. I think that's cheating.

Full and Bright and Blinding Through

I feel like a different person today than I was a month or so ago. There've been lots of changes and personal challenges - even slight ones, that aren't a big deal to other people but are huge to me. I went to a concert and I went camping - both things that I'd said I would never do again. I'm not usually the kind of person who gives things another try; if it sucked, I probably won't do it again. But here I did.

This week has been pretty intense, as well. On Monday I had a really bad TOC experience, and on Tuesday I went back and fixed it. The message from the principal on Monday night: "I understand if you don't want to come back, but we need someone for that class again..." Of course I had to go back. I refused to let the setback (and twenty-one grade two students) win. Which, if you look at the previous paragraph, is already a change in my attitude. And, I am proud to say, I completely turned it around and had an awesome day. The kids made me stuff! (On Monday they didn't make me stuff. It was a pretty awful day for us all.)

On Wednesday I drove all the way to Campbell River by myself, which was long and lonely and something I have never done before. I answered endless, sometimes perplexing questions and confidently sold myself in front of five very intimidating individuals. Incidentally, one of the hardest parts of this experience was navigating my giant car onto the ferry. Those lanes are way too small for giant cars.

On Tuesday and Thursday I took a kayaking course, and on Thursday I DID A WET EXIT FROM MY KAYAK. Which I have already mentioned, I know, but I can't get over how significant a personal victory that was. I had to take off my glasses, because the instructor said they might fall off and sink to the bottom of the river, and usually that act in itself renders me paralyzed. (If you are blind as a bat without your glasses, then you know how I feel.) However, not only did I surrender my glasses, I also purposefully tipped myself over, into the river, whilst constricted by a kayak skirt, with severely limited vision, and hoisted myself back into the kayak, and emerged from the whole situation alive and victorious. Even though it took me about ten minutes to convince myself to tip over in the first place.

On Friday I went to work, which felt so mundane compared to all the other stuff I'd been doing, and so far today I've been flat on the couch watching movies and recovered from crazy muscle spasms because I did not stretch after the kayaking excursion and stressful Island driving. So clearly, I haven't learned everything about life that I need to in this past week, but I am still very proud of myself.

I think that'll be it for conceited, ego-maniacal posts for a while. Thanks for bearing with me.

Moats and Boats and Waterfalls

There are two kayaks sitting in plastic in my garage. Little do they know, soon their insulated, calm world is going to be ripped from them and they are going to be tossed into a freezing cold body of water. It may take them a moment or so to adjust, but have no fear: they will learn to love the job they were made for.

You see, my mother and I are not foolish, and thus waited to use them until we could use them safely. Tonight was the final night of our kayaking course, and now we are informed and certified. I DID A WET EXIT FROM MY KAYAK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RIVER*. I have almost never been so proud of myself as I am right now. (There was that time I did the Grouse Grind. That was also very impressive of me.)

With that in mind, I have composed an ode to kayaking. Because I'm like that.

An Ode To Kayak

O kayak --
You challenge to mind and body
upper-arm-strength tester,
fear-of-sinking confronter;
stand faithfully beneath me,
patient as I tumble in
(and tumble out) -
bright red beacon of buoyancy.

O kayak --
o tow rope, o bilge pump,
o government-sanctioned whistle,
together we learn to scull,
to pry,
to draw.
Sun sets on water as I confidently guide you
forwards,
backwards,
and in circles.

O kayak --
you protect me from waves wrought
by drunk teenagers in a motorboat,
but not from the plague of mosquitoes
carried on the cool river breeze.
(I forgive you this trespass,
as you forgave when I accidentally ran you aground).

O kayak --
together we cut a silent path
through my doubts and lack of muscle tone
(but only in calm water, of course).


*(Wet exit = flip over kayak so you are upside down in the river, kick self out of kayak, emerge from river, turn kayak over, climb back in. I KNOW.)

The DOs and DON'Ts of May Long Weekend Camping: Part One

DO bring some sort of plastic face shield to protect yourself from the campfire. (A gas mask, for example.)

People will give you funny looks, but trust me: you need the protection. When we stopped at DQ in Merritt on the way back I had to blow my nose because it had been runny since that morning, and my snot was BLACK. For serious. I thought I had a horrible disease for a millisecond, and then remembered that basically all I did for two days was sit in front of a campfire inhaling ash and smoke. Don't get me wrong - the campfire is my number one favourite part of camping. Campfires are phenomenal. I would never say a bad word about a campfire. I'm just saying: be prepared.

DON'T eschew water consumption because the outhouse is disgusting.

I think that is the seed that grows the kidney failure. Honestly, I didn't not drink water on purpose, and I am super proud of myself for actually using the outhouse instead of just holding it all weekend (which I did once; true story), and the outhouses were not actually that bad. But still - an outhouse will never be one of my favourite things, and I would rather use a gas station bathroom than an outhouse, but it's not good for a body to reduce water intake the way I reduced my water intake. Maybe that's why I am sick as a dog right now. That and the smoke.

DO bring medical supplies of all sorts.

You can never tell what is going to happen in the wilderness, so it's best to be filled to the brim with polysporin and bandaids. Today around the campfire I noticed a mysterious bloody indent in my finger, and when I was scrubbing camping off my body after I got home I noticed a bruising scrape on my shin and a cut on that webby part between thumb and forefinger. Of course, you need to be aware of your audience if you're going to ask for medical attention: when I noticed the injury on my finger, I got no sympathy whatsoever because I was sitting between a girl who sliced the tops of her fingers off on a razor and a guy who nearly punctured his kidneys by falling off a log.


There will be more to this at a later time, but right now I am exhausted and need to sleep in my warm, solid, unmoving bed and hopefully wake up without this sinus infection I am growing. It kind of sounds like I had a bad time, but that is not the case and there will be fun stories because it was a good time! I'm pretty sure that I am not a camper at heart, but I am proud of myself for going. Thumbs up for personal growth.

Feel the Waltz, Feel the Waltz

I spent the whole morning cleaning my room. This included vacuuming, which is something I have not done in a long time. Surprisingly good exercise, that vacuuming. Especially when you are vacuuming to get rid of potential insects that may or may not be leaving bites on your legs in the middle of the night. (This is one of the things I am most afraid of and grossed out by. I didn't find any actual bugs, and my bites might be a result of all the time I've been spending outside, but still. I just want to make sure.)

Somehow it happened that I am going camping this weekend. I haven't been camping in about five years, and that time I did it all wrong. I went for too many days, slept in a van with someone who snored, and didn't bring enough books. This time I'm going to be more prepared. Things I am worried about: rain, not being able to sleep, getting eaten by a bear, being left alone at camp while everyone else goes hiking. Things I am looking forward to: reading, campfire, old friends. I think that by the time Friday comes, I will have changed my mind about going several times, because I'm not obligated to go; however, I am starting to see it as a challenge to myself. Last week I went to a concert, this week I am going camping. Next week I might do something even more crazy, like use the kayak that's been sitting in my garage for a month. Who knows.