houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble

Basically I love projects. When I was in school and the teacher was like, "Hey guys here's your new project," I was usually one of the only ones going YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS because projects are one of my favourite things. (As long as I get to do them by myself. Group projects are the worst.) So I found two projects I want to do in my life, which is exciting and I am going to tell you about it, except I'm hesitant about my success because I'm really lazy.

1. THE HAPPINESS PROJECT

A little while ago, as I was driving home from Vancouver with sadness in my heart and rain on the windshield and melancholy songs on the radio all because of a boy who doesn't really matter in the end but I wanted to give you some context and a run-on sentence, I realized that I wasn't really satisfied with my life. I'm tired all the time, I'm lonely, I'm overweight, everything's awful. Luckily, instead of driving my car into the nearest body of water, I thought to myself: so fix it, stupid. Then it was exciting! I made a list of the stuff I didn't like about my life, and then I made a list of all the things I can do to fix them. Then I spent a long time using different coloured sharpies to make a chart of THINGS I WILL DO and how many days a week I will do them. It was bright and amazing.

Then I only crossed like 3 things off the list and it all petered out so that kind of stinks. But then! I got this book from the library called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and she was doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do. Which was initially disappointing - if I'd been successful I could've written a book about it and been famous, but instead I failed and am not famous at all - but then was exciting again because she gives lots of good tips and strategies and has a Happiness Toolbox a person can use if they want to start their very own Happiness Project. Which I do!

Anyway, I'll have more to say on that later (just you wait!) but I know you're dying to discover what my other project is, and I want to tell you before this blog post turns into a novel.

2. WARDROBE REHAB

Confession: I'm one of those people who stares despondently at my two (TWO!) closets and whines, "I have nothing to wearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." (Important sidenote - one of those closets is dresses and cardigans and pants, and the other one is shirts. They are both small.) The point being, I have lots of wonderful clothes and no outfits. I don't feel stylish and put-together when I am wearing my clothes, and stylish and put-together I long to be. I look at my friends with envy because they are stylish and I feel drab. So I spent a lot of time on the internet at my new job because lots of the time I have nothing to do, and I found tons of websites just for people like me! The trouble is taking the heaps and heaps of advice and boiling it down into something manageable.

I think I have done so, however, and so the first thing I did was buy a wide, black belt. It's pretty awesome. Then I went through my closet and got rid of some stuff. Then I made a list of the things that I should have, that apparently everyone should have, and they are the ONLY things I am allowed to buy. I tell you I am already on my way to being the most stylish person you know.

Anyway. Those are my projects. I will keep you updated as you wait with bated breath for the outcomes.

which sounds scandalous but is not

Next week I am making a pilgrimage to the book-lover's Mecca: Powell's City of Books in Portland. SO MANY BOOKS. SO EXCITING. My family is going to drop me off and go do other things, and then pick me up with all my new old books. This is what I am going to buy.

Books for Personal Use

- all the Georgette Heyer books that I don't already have

- Indiscretion by Jude Morgan, which sounds scandalous but is not
- Soulless by Gail Carriger

- The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz

- possibly books by Patricia Wentworth and Ngaio Marsh, which were recommended as good mysteries but are not available from my stupid library

- anything by Edward Gorey, if I can find it

- The Marriage of True Minds by Stephen Evans 

Books to Further My Knowledge

- Substitute Teacher Handbook K-12 - Geoffrey G. Smith, Glenn Latham, Max L. Longhurst, Michelle Ditlevsen

- How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew by Erin Bried

- How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew also by Erin Bried

- You Are One-Third Daffodil by Tom Nuttall

Books to Bring When Teaching
- The Incredible Book Eating Boy by Olliver Jeffers 

- Strange But True Stories by Janice Greene 

- I’m in Charge of Celebrations by Byrd Baylor 

- S is for Story: A Writer's Alphabet by Esther Hershenhorn
- Pop!: The Invention of Bubble Gum by Meghan McCarthy 

- Nouns and Verbs Have a Field Day by Robin Pulver

Are there any books I should add?

besides which you see

I'm very "home"-minded right now. I have these ideas for what to do with my mainland home, like paint my room purple and BUY A DOG. (That's totally the plan now. I'm going to buy a dog when I come back for good in June, except I want a dog NOW, especially since there are young Border Terrier dogs available for rescue and I want a Border Terrier because there is a Border Terrier-sized hole in my heart where my wonderful old dog used to be.) I was going to go to Scotland in the summer, since my contract at the high school is for twelve months even though I'm only working for ten, so I'm getting paid for two months of not working, which is probably never going to happen again. However, since I think (I think) I have a job as a substitute with the Surrey School District (!!!!!!!!) in September, I have re-evaluated my goals at this stage in my life and I think I should use that money to buy a car and a dog.

Also, I've been having some crisis thoughts about my work as a teacher. Am I too strict/mean? Am I leaving some kids behind? Am I actually teaching the Math kids any Math? Are they losing a whole year of education because I don't know what I'm doing? I don't know if these thoughts about work are normal. I went out for coffee with a friend who is newly an accountant, and she was self-conscious about her ability to account, so maybe my self-consciousness about my ability to teach is just something that goes along with you when you're new at something.

Last night when I was watching Maria swing her guitar around and sing about how she has confidence in herself, I was thinking how great it would be to listen to that song on repeat in the morning before the kids come. It will be like my "Rocky" theme, except about confidence instead of punching.

losing your eye was your own fault. now what do you want.

Yesterday a friend and I went out for sushi and then watched White Christmas, which I had never seen fully up until this point but had always seen bits on t.v. and thought it was super boring. Turns out that when you watch the whole thing at once it's not boring at all, but is actually quite wonderful. When it got near to the end, I predicted that it was going to snow and they were going to kiss, and I was totally right. I'm smart about movies like that.

Speaking of movies, while my friend and I were waiting for our sushi we went to the movie store because they were having a buy 2 get 1 free sale, and I went a little bit crazy for $5 movies. This is what I bought:
- Penelope
- Corpse Bride
- America's Sweethearts
- Big Fish
- Royal Tenenbaums
- Igor
- Charlie Bartlett
- Nicholas Nickelby
- Elf
- Shrek the Halls
- Ever After
- Danny Deckchair

I'd never seen Charlie Bartlett or Igor, but it cost less to buy then than to rent them, and I watched them both today. (We had early dismissal at school, so I was a little bit bored.) I liked the former and disliked the latter. Also, two Christmas movies because as a teacher I think it's important that I build up my Christmas movie collection for early dismissal days before Christmas break.

On Sunday I'm driving home for two weeks, so I'm supposed to pack tomorrow. I started today, on account of being bored, and I discovered it's hard to pack for two weeks. I wish to put my tiny apartment in a box and bring everything with me. At least I'm taking the car, so I have space for the Christmas tree and half my wardrobe.

This is what I'm excited about:
- being back at home for more than one and a half days
- seeing my dog
- seeing everybody I know and miss!
- taking a break from wrangling hooligans all day

I'm going to miss the wind, though. Campbell River has spectacular wind.

curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight

This is what happened today:

In the computer lab one of my students slams his hand down on the desk. "What is going on here?" I ask him, outraged because the computer lab is supposed to be a quiet place. "He touched me weird," the student whines, pointing to the person beside him. "It was a reflex." This, naturally, sends me into a laughing fit so intense I am not breathing for practically 3 minutes. (Students are used to this by now so nobody is alarmed.)

At the Shoreline Clean-Up this afternoon one of my students grabs a rope he spots under a log, tugs it SUPER HARD and goes flying backwards with the rope in his hand, doing a crazy dance so he doesn't lose his balance. I immediately burst out laughing so hard I almost pee my pants. "I thought it was going to be stuck!" he protests.

Yesterday in Science I mentioned to my students that if they find a dead thing on the beach like they did last year, DO NOT TOUCH IT because that's how the Black Plague started, by touching one dead rat. (I'm not sure if this is historically accurate. If I say something passionately and with conviction, pretty much everyone believes me. Anyway, the origin of the Black Plague was not the important part, it was emphasizing that they were NOT to touch dead stuff.) But since it was Science class, I told them if they saw a dead thing to call me over and we'd investigate it safely! So today we found a dead seal who had MELTED into RUBBER so his FACE was FLAT. No joke. Flat face. Then we found a dead porpoise with a missing eyeball. (I had to yell at the grade two students to not touch it, because they missed the Black Plague conversation.)

Then a student found a condom, which I had to pick up with two sticks and secretly put into a garbage bag so nobody freaked out. Sometimes I don't like being the teacher.

This is what's happening tomorrow:

A wedding! I brought two outfits with me and can't decide which one to wear, but it's important that I choose soon so I can paint my nails to match. Of course the wedding is more important. It's going to be lovely and wonderful and I am very excited!

A friend who is attending the same wedding is bringing this for me, which I ordered to an American address she supplied to save on shipping. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. I am going to wear it every day.

Then I need to go to Value Village to buy stuff to be a pirate for Pirate Day at school, because there is no Value Village in Campbell River.

On a different note: FINALLY THE NOISE HAS STOPPED IN MY APARTMENT. The night before last I burst into tears because I couldn't tell if I was hearing it or not, and when I put in my earplugs I couldn't tell if it was my heartbeat I was hearing or the noise, so I thought I was going crazy. Last night I was pretty sure that I couldn't hear it, and I figure that if I have to listen that hard to hear it, it's probably okay. That kind of volume I can handle. I have been hearing the noise every night since I moved in the middle of AUGUST, and calling and calling the guy who is in charge of my building to come and fix it, and FINALLY it is fixed.

hear the bees buzzing through the walls

This morning I was drinking coffee and reading outside on my patio, and suddenly I looked up and there was a bee RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. Right between my eyes, hovering and gazing at me. (I'd just awesomely french-braided my hair, so maybe he was infatuated with my beauty.) I freaked out and dumped my entire mug of coffee all over myself. Now all my clothes are in the laundry and I am drinking a new cup of coffee and reading INSIDE.

Suddenly I am a social butterfly. Last night one of the teachers from work invited me over for dinner, with some other teachers and their families. I was really nervous and googled how to be good a small talk before I left, but none of that was very helpful. Thankfully everyone else was capable of holding conversations without internet assistance, which made it easier for me and it was a lot of fun! Tonight is a staff potluck, and now that I know some of them better from last night I think I will be less shy. This is good, because everyone on staff is so friendly to me and always asking how I'm doing and if I need any help, but I can't turn that into a continued conversation so I'm worried they all think I'm a snob. Not tonight! Tonight I will be brave and chatty. Then tomorrow after church I am going to my wonderful new work friend's house for lunch! I am so proud of how brave I am being.

Also, I figured something out. Thursday was terrible, and I was thinking about starting each class on Friday by drilling "RESPECT" into their brains, but then I realized that they are kids, and I am a grown-up, and I shouldn't have lost my patience no matter how they were behaving, and I need to love them and show them grace. With that in mind, Friday was infinitely better. Maybe I am getting the hang of this thing finally.

Now the bee has come in through my window and is inspecting my furniture. I guess I have bewitched him!

master chef, o master chef, wherefore art thou not in my kitchen

I made a mistake on dinner. I forgot to freeze my ground beef in one-person sections, so I had to thaw out and subsequently fry up a whole pack tonight. However, I brilliantly came up with two days worth of meal plans that used ground beef. I would have mac and cheese and ground beef tonight (a delicacy, to be sure), tacos tomorrow, and then freeze whatever I had left. Super good plan.

However, just before dinner I got a call from my landlord saying he’d come by shortly to fix some stuff, and then I called my super to arrange for him to come by in a bit to pick up a spare key so he could let the fire people in to do an inspection, and I think I was distracted. After frying and seasoning the ground beef and doctoring up my macaroni, I poured the mac into the beef and started stirring. It wasn’t until AFTER I’d started stirring that I realized I had forgotten to separate the beef into sections for tonight and tomorrow, and I’d already mixed it up too much to separate, so I muttered a curse word (that’s a lie, I shouted a curse word and almost tore my hair out in frustration – living alone seems to make mildly upsetting things REALLY upsetting) and decided that I’d have to have mac and cheese and ground beef for dinner tonight, lunch tomorrow, and dinner tomorrow. GROSS.

Plus, the ratio of mac and cheese to ground beef was not acceptable. It’s like 60% beef to 40% non-beef. I think I’m going to have to make up another box of KD to mix in to the debacle, and just throw away what I can’t eat. I am so disappointed, you guys. I had it all planned out.

Sewing up the Fold

I've changed my mind; I don't think it's cheating to plan my 30 days of creativity before I commence. I don't think it's that kind of challenge. Plus, who cares? It's not like I'm entering an actual contest. Thusly, I have chosen my first creative project: magnets! This morning I was tearing pages out of magazines in anticipation for my magnets. It's all very exciting. I've also found a few sewing things, like a bag and a change purse, because I am optimistic about my ability to sew. (I might be disappointed.)

Also this morning I requested a million books from the library. I find that better than walking into the library and perusing the aisles, because I am terrible at choosing books on the fly. What I should have been doing instead was planning Math 9 and looking for apartments. Sometimes I question my decision-making skills.

Tired Out My Knees Down to the Bone

I just returned home from another trek to Campbell River, my soon-to-be-home. I was finally able to meet with the teacher I'm filling in for and get his materials, which prompted a middle of the night freak out: what am I doing? Who in their right mind hired me for this job? Why did they think I could plan these courses I've never taught before? How am I going to teach Math 9 when I don't even know how to use a graphing calculator? What am I going to do with myself in a town that only has 2 Starbuckses? (Although, on that last point, I don't even really like Starbucks anymore, and have made the transition back to Tim Hortons - of which there is one. Also, in theory I will be so busy staying ahead of the kids in Math that I won't have time to leave my apartment. Plus it's not like you'll find me club-hopping on a typical Friday night.)

Mom and I stayed with a family friend and her daughter, and I spent much of the weekend playing "I Spy" and making fairy clothing out of leaves. While that is fun in moderation (who doesn't love a good game of "I Spy"), I am super exhausted. I was literally in bed last night at 8:00pm. And right now I'm about to have a forbidden afternoon cup of coffee to keep me awake during the movie my family is going to for my mom's birthday. (Knight and Day, finally something not in 3D. I've heard it's terrible, and I'm not really fond of Tom Crazy McCrazerson Cruise, but I'm kind of looking forward to it! Naturally I will share my thoughts with you afterwards.)

Now I'm looking for apartments and my eye infection came back. I was so diligent about not wearing make-up and using those stupid drops, and my eyes were perfectly normal for a day, but this morning they were sealed shut again. Boo. But I'm going to sneak candy into the theatre! (Not that that's related in any way, or that they even bother to check anymore. I remember the old days, when they'd check your purse for contraband. Now, even if I'm wearing a giant bag with candy sticking out, they don't seem to care. It kind of takes the excitement out of it.)

Like That Hole in Your Boot

My poor baby toes are sporting some hefty blisters from traipsing around Vancouver Airport in new shoes today. I forgot you aren't supposed to wear new shoes for extended periods of time. Even though these shoes are expensive! And so pretty. I've heard internet rumors about stretching out leather shoes, but all the methods involve water and I'm worried that will ruin them somehow. Also, the internet has a history of feeding me vicious lies, for example the cake in a mug debacle. I think I will call the store tomorrow and see what they suggest.

I also have huge knots in my shoulders again from kayaking. My mom rubbed some sort of salve on them that she bought on the cruise ship we were on in March, and I guess it's working but I think what I need to do is lift weights to improve upper body strength, and also stretch before and after. I will not give up, though, because I'm part of a sport finally and I like it. On Saturday Mom and I went back to the river we took our lessons in, and we got waved at by all the boaters! By the real boaters! Then we discussed good places to kayak with some REAL kayakers, who did not look down upon us because it was our first time in our new kayaks. Like we are now part of a club! And then the coast guard came, but we were already out of the water which is good because we don't yet have throw ropes or bilge pumps, which is illegal. (Tsk tsk.)

I'm starting to freak out about money. I don't have very much right now, but I need a lot of it to prepare for my job, where I will soon have a steady income. The timing isn't right. If only they could pay me my whole salary NOW, so I could buy a car and insurance and a popcorn popper and pay two month's rent + security deposit. A few minutes ago I remembered that God has taken care of me so far, so I need to have faith that He will continue to do so. And maybe tomorrow I will go to the bank to meet with somebody about a loan or line of credit or whatever it is that gives me free money for a little bit.

Cold Water Surrounds Me Now

The hot water doesn't work in my house. That is to say, if I'm interested in anything more than a trickle I am out of luck. This happens a lot, and every time it does I think to myself, "I'm no baby. I can handle a cold shower." But truly, I am a baby, and I can't handle a cold shower. Have you ever taken a cold shower? Gasping for breath the whole time makes the effort ineffective. It reminds me of the one time I went to CreationFest, and because I didn't want to pay for hot showers I got to have a shower with a hose. A HOSE.

Anyway. Also, I received an email from my new boss (MY NEW BOSS!) saying my contract is in the mail and I should be receiving it shortly. My contract! I've never signed a contract before. I mean, a real one. I signed one at TWU, but that was about conduct, not employment. I am going to be included in staff emails and everything!

At one point, in the middle of the night a few nights ago, I thought to myself, "Have I made a huge mistake?" But only once, and only for a second. Other than that, everything seems to be working out ridiculously well. I've gotten a bunch of free stuff, because apparently you need a heck of a lot of stuff when you move out, and I'm looking at a car on Monday. Most of the time I am excited about all the stuff that's going to happen, and barely ever am I afraid of teaching Math 9.

I didn't have to go to work today so I didn't really talk to anyone all day, which I think is why I repeated myself a lot just now.

Our Finest Hour Arrives

Tomorrow's going to be a big day, you guys! I'm going to wear my jeans and a real shirt (instead of my PJ's that I've been wearing for a week), and my mom's going to drive me to the library (because the last time I tried to drive myself somewhere I almost passed out) and I'm going to pick up some stuff they have on hold for me, and then I'm going to put away all the clothes that are strewn about my room! Then I'm probably going to need a nap.

Wish me luck!