i'm really only supposed to be here until three

I can see now that it's been beneficial for me in the long run to have been forced to wait A LONG TIME for some things. Like this one time, my parents and I were going to Seattle, and the border line-up was literally 4 hours long. It was some random coincidental simultaneous occurrence of several things, like a Canadian long weekend and an American long weekend and the dollar was quite good and something about baseball. It seemed like a slow death at the time, but now, whenever I go to the border and it's a long wait and people groan and complain, I say, "Hey, at least it's not 4 hours like that one time."

And also, I just requested a book from the library that is apparently very popular, and I'm 4th in line. Previously, I'd be like, "FOURTH!?!?!?! ARGH. Just forget it." But then there was this other book that I really wanted to read, that was popping up everywhere and even had a book trailer! And when I requested that one I was number fifty-five. FIFTY-FIVE. I have never known a library waiting list to be that long. But now, being fourth, I'm like, "At least I'm not fifty-fifth." (Incidentally, I am still waiting for that book. Side question: does anybody else check their request statuses on the library website? I like to keep updated. Sometimes I can even do the math with how many copies they have, and when all the due dates are, to predict when it will be my turn. But maybe that's just me.)

at least there's jello at the end of this story

Today was one of those that required all the strength in my bones plus more. It all started last night, you see. I was dead tired at 8:30 (Tuesdays tend to do that to me), so I optimistically crawled into bed and shut my eyes. Instantly I fell asleep, which was wonderful, but at 12:30 I woke up that kind of waking up where you are ZAP WIDE AWAKE. The second my eyes opened I began to worry about not finishing one of my Math classes on time, and teaching another class everything they need to know in time for the FSAs, and not knowing if I'm teaching English next semester, and if my gums were receding fast enough for my two front teeth to fall out, and about calling parents about interim reports, and so on. It's like it was gnawing at every synapse in my brain and I couldn't shut it off, even by counting.

I decided it was useless to try and fall asleep, so I turned on the light and read for a bit, and then I decided to take a shower because I was going to take one in the morning and if I took it at that time it would save me time in the morning. (Since sometimes showers have a wakening affect, I agonized over this decision from the moment I decided to throw off my covers to the moment when I put a towel over my pillow so my hair wouldn't soak through my pillow. But I did it anyway.) Then I perused the internet for several hours, then I read again, and then at 4:30 I fell asleep.

Then I had to wake up at 7 for work, and instead of going to staff devotions like I have done every single morning since I started, I sat at my desk, drank my coffee, and listened to dramatic instrumental music. Each of my five classes was something not quite agony, but a little bit less than that. Then I trudged to my car, went home, and had some jello.

shoulder the sky, my lad

I feel like I screwed a bunch of stuff up, and also had to fight twenty-five turkeys for four hours. We had "Miss W Needs Chill Out Time" time for about five minutes near the end of Math, where I turned off the lights and they had to put their heads down on their desks so I didn't flip out at them. I'm trying to be creative and innovative with consequences and making them aware of their choices and stuff, but I don't think it's working.
Whenever it comes to be around Christmas, I always get super melancholy. I get a tingly feeling in my fingers, which is a precursor for a feeling of impending drama, which is always left unfulfilled except for the fact that it makes me a bit sad. I'm waiting and waiting for something dramatic to happen, and because it's dark outside all the time I expect it to be something bad dramatic, but it never happens so I am left always waiting still. I don't really know how to explain it.

at least i can start suffering and write that symphony

I set a trap for my fruit flies, and I caught one after dinner today but then it escaped. Stupid fruit flies. They thwart me!

Everything came together for pictures today! I took some and posted some on my creativity blog (oh yah... I have a creativity blog. That I totally have not forgotten about.) and then some others on facebook. I tried to be all fancy with the editing, but taking pictures that look good is HARD, man! It seems like it should be easy but it is not. I took a bunch of junky ones.

I like this one, though

This one I think is good, too

This one might be too purple, if such a thing were possible

Tonight I stayed at work until almost 7 because I had a mini-melt down after school, and my wonderful work friend came to visit me and helped me make seating plans to make my hooligans more efficient. Today in one math class I banished one kid to the hall, and kept two after class. GAH! But then I found out how the laminator works, and I'm going to laminate a bunch of stuff tomorrow. That will make me feel better. And while I'm doing that I can figure out how to love my math class. I need to change what I am doing somehow, but I don't know how.

I need to pack my lunch but I don't really feel like moving. Is it Friday afternoon yet?

"All Our Agents Are Currently Assisting Other Customers."

Hey guys I have internet now. (I think. It didn't set up like it was supposed to and I'm currently on hold with telus.) A summary of my life thus far is available below, because I still have thoughts without the internet, and needed somewhere to put them. They are posted under the date upon which the thoughts occurred to me, because that's the kind of person I am.

ps - hey telus, your on hold music sucks. okay thanks.

actually i'm quite fastidious

I've been drinking water like a fish lately. (Wait. I've heard that expression before, but now that I used it I'm not sure it's correct. Do fish actually drink water, or just live in it? Puzzle.) Usually I drink 1/25 the amount of water a normal person is supposed to drink, and when I drink like I am supposed to I can actually feel it hydrating my brain. I don't know why I am so stupid about drinking water. But I have been recently, and it seems like the more I drink, the thirstier I am. Is that because my body has finally gotten a taste of what it's like to be hydrated, and now it's demanding to be always thus? Or maybe I have some sort of fish-disease. Like that man in Big Fish, who gets so dried out that he has to sit in the tub with all his clothes on.

I am trying to print something, and also download some songs on itunes, and both of those require my stupid old computer. I thought that by accepting how long it was going to take ahead of time, I would be less angry with all the waiting and waiting, but it didn't work. Plus, randomly that itunes decided to reject my ipod, so I finally gave in and "transferred purchases" to the new computer with the new itunes. I've been worried to do that, because I didn't know exactly what would happen. But it's all okay! Except that it deleted all the songs I had copied from my cds, so I have to do that again.

Fascinating, right? But the reason I wanted itunes is because of this guy. It all stems back to when I watched Stranger Than Fiction, and Will Ferrell was playing that acoustic version of "Whole Wide World," and I LOVED it, but could only find the original version from Wreckless Eric. Which is also a good version, but I really liked the slow version. That was several years ago, and then a couple days ago I heard this lovely acoustic version of that song coming from the office, and I yelled to my brother, "WHO IS SINGING THAT WONDERFUL SONG?" and he sent me the link to that guy. So now I finally have an acoustic version of "Whole Wide World," and also some other great songs by him. He sounds a little bit like M. Ward, in my opinion, who is another great musician.

Anyway. Now I'm off to the eye doctor, because I think I need new glasses because I have the eyeballs of an old person.

Tick Tock Ticks Out of Control

There are two computers in the office in my house: one is nice and new and fast, and the other is a slow junky junker. So if one were to take a guess as to which computer would be hooked up to a printer, one would guess the new one, right? Right. Unfortunately, the new one didn't want to be hooked up to the printer or something, I don't know, because the printer resides with our old computer which is a STUPID PIECE OF CRAP. I am trying to plan ahead for the classes I am teaching in September, and to do so I needed to print something out, for which I need the old computer. I clicked on the internet icon on the desktop and then multi-tasked for about three hours, because watching it process my request is an exercise in patience that I am not willing to endure. When I returned several moments ago, it was STILL PROCESSING, so I thought that, to aid its slow computer brain, I would click the icon several thousand more times and make things go faster. (This was a bad idea.) It was as though my body was slowly filling up with liquid, and the closer this imaginary liquid was getting to the top of my head the closer I was to hitting my computer in its stupid computer face. Fast-forward five more minutes: I have punched the monitor and now it is still processing and my hand hurts. So instead of literally throwing my computer monitor on the ground, I decided to blog about it. (Lots of people say 'literally' and do not actually mean literally, but this time I really mean literally.)

The old computer monitor is like lavender. Throughout my life I've gotten about 100 hours of sleep total, so I've tried all these methods to help with sleep, and lavender is one of those natural things that is supposed to zonk you out. So I bought lavender essential oil, which was to be placed on my pillow and help me to drift off into a peaceful, lavender-scented slumber. However, it failed to deliver and so I started putting lavender closer and closer to my face, eventually right under my nose, hoping that the more I smelled it the more effective it would be. This was an incorrect hypothesis, so during the month or so of trials I would just lie there, smelling lavender and getting angrier and angrier. Now the smell of lavender is an instant rage trigger, much as I feel that even glimpsing at the old computer monitor will send me into a frenzy. If I were the Hulk, these would be what would make me turn green. The Hulk had whatever it was he had; I have lavender and old computer monitors.

Shadow Walks Faster Than You

Lately I've been feeling really discouraged about my job situation. I had an interview for a high school position at a private school about a month ago, and I found out recently I did not get it. (Probably due to my stammer in response to questions like "Do you believe Adam and Eve were actual historical figures?" What's the intelligent thing to say when you have LITERALLY NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE. And what does that have to do with teaching.) Many friends on facebook update statuses regularly with teaching jobs they've gotten or are dreading or are thankful to have, and sometimes it hurts my heart.

However, randomly in Randomville I received two random phone calls. (If you say that word enough times, it stops sounding like a real word. I guess that is true of all words. Like fork, and your own name.) First, a private elementary school would like me to be a TOC in a grade two classroom two Mondays from now (Holy Call In Advance, Batman), and the principal of a school I applied to in Campbell River called to see if I was still interested in a job there. I immediately accepted the TOC gig, thankful for my Sylvan experience with tiny children, and now am pondering the thought of moving to Campbell River for year to teach math. (I say again: MATH.) The principal called to see if I was still interested (yes) and if I would be vehemently opposed to being a math teacher (... no. After some consideration.) and will call again in a few weeks with more details.

I've become accustomed to "I'll call in a few weeks" meaning "I'll let you know as soon as we agree you are not needed here," so I'm trying not to be too optimistic. Plus, moving to Campbell River? Logically, there is no point in thinking about it until I hear back from the principal. (Logically, logically. Not one of my many virtues.) So until then... I will be excited for grade two!

IS IT TIME YET (go to bed part 1)

Me: Do you think that because I haven't heard from them it means I'm not going to get that job?

Mom: They said two weeks.

Me: When did I go there?

Mom: One week ago. It has not been two weeks. One week is half of two weeks.

Me: But -

Mom: No. Go to bed.

Wait by the Window

I saw this yesterday and my heart nearly burst from joy. The poster of it has been added to the list of Things I Will Buy When I Win The Lottery Or Get A Full Time Job.

I'm waiting for a package again. I should probably stop ordering things from the internet, since it takes FOREVER to get stuff. Alternately, I could spend the waiting time building a teleportation device, either to bring the item to myself, or to get and retrieve it. Teleportation is one of the future technologies I am most excited about, except that it would ruin singing in the car. Sometimes, nothing beats singing in the car.

Holy crap THUNDER! Thunder just happened just now! And now some hail. Excuse me while I go stand outside in my bare feet with a mug to catch hail. (I feel badly for loving something that my dog hates so much, but THUNDER! And HAIL! Unexpected weather! Best day ever. Plus I think I just made a rhyme.)