i'm really only supposed to be here until three

I can see now that it's been beneficial for me in the long run to have been forced to wait A LONG TIME for some things. Like this one time, my parents and I were going to Seattle, and the border line-up was literally 4 hours long. It was some random coincidental simultaneous occurrence of several things, like a Canadian long weekend and an American long weekend and the dollar was quite good and something about baseball. It seemed like a slow death at the time, but now, whenever I go to the border and it's a long wait and people groan and complain, I say, "Hey, at least it's not 4 hours like that one time."

And also, I just requested a book from the library that is apparently very popular, and I'm 4th in line. Previously, I'd be like, "FOURTH!?!?!?! ARGH. Just forget it." But then there was this other book that I really wanted to read, that was popping up everywhere and even had a book trailer! And when I requested that one I was number fifty-five. FIFTY-FIVE. I have never known a library waiting list to be that long. But now, being fourth, I'm like, "At least I'm not fifty-fifth." (Incidentally, I am still waiting for that book. Side question: does anybody else check their request statuses on the library website? I like to keep updated. Sometimes I can even do the math with how many copies they have, and when all the due dates are, to predict when it will be my turn. But maybe that's just me.)

which sounds scandalous but is not

Next week I am making a pilgrimage to the book-lover's Mecca: Powell's City of Books in Portland. SO MANY BOOKS. SO EXCITING. My family is going to drop me off and go do other things, and then pick me up with all my new old books. This is what I am going to buy.

Books for Personal Use

- all the Georgette Heyer books that I don't already have

- Indiscretion by Jude Morgan, which sounds scandalous but is not
- Soulless by Gail Carriger

- The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz

- possibly books by Patricia Wentworth and Ngaio Marsh, which were recommended as good mysteries but are not available from my stupid library

- anything by Edward Gorey, if I can find it

- The Marriage of True Minds by Stephen Evans 

Books to Further My Knowledge

- Substitute Teacher Handbook K-12 - Geoffrey G. Smith, Glenn Latham, Max L. Longhurst, Michelle Ditlevsen

- How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew by Erin Bried

- How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew also by Erin Bried

- You Are One-Third Daffodil by Tom Nuttall

Books to Bring When Teaching
- The Incredible Book Eating Boy by Olliver Jeffers 

- Strange But True Stories by Janice Greene 

- I’m in Charge of Celebrations by Byrd Baylor 

- S is for Story: A Writer's Alphabet by Esther Hershenhorn
- Pop!: The Invention of Bubble Gum by Meghan McCarthy 

- Nouns and Verbs Have a Field Day by Robin Pulver

Are there any books I should add?

in all your phantom ways

Yesterday was a snow day, so I got bored. I watched a lot of movies, read a lot of books, and listened to a lot of music. When I have a day like that, with little interaction with my own life, sometimes I forget what's really happening to me and have a bit of trouble distinguishing between fiction and reality. I woke up this morning thinking about a gentleman I met yesterday; he was quite charming, but naturally there was something I didn't trust about him. What role is he going to play in my life? Oh right, absolutely none. Because he's in a book.

read me your favourite line

I haven't got anything interesting to say. It's hot outside.

Oh, if anybody here likes those historical romance books, or old timey mysteries with a hint of romance, you should request a Georgette Heyer book from the library. (Please note that she writes books in those two separate genres. If you are looking for the mystery and get one of the romances, you will be disappointed. Or maybe not, because she's pretty awesome. If you're looking for the romance and you get one of the mysteries, you will not be disappointed because there is sneaky romance! Surprise!) I can't remember why I got one of her books in the first place, but all of a sudden I am obsessed with her. She is from the early 1900s and I always assume that people were not funny until at least the 1970s, but she is super funny. Her books were published in the 1930s and surrounding eras, so they are a little bit hard to find, but some publishing company is reprinting them all and selling them for exorbitant amounts of money. I, however, went on a used bookstore treasure hunt and found 10 of her books! Five of them together in one giant hardcover volume, but still. It's all very exciting. The guy I bought them from said she sells out very quickly, so if you do request her books from the library and discover her to be as awesome as I am telling you she is, go buy her books from Amazon and leave the used bookstores to me. I say that is the most respectful way possible.

you should stop trippin

Here's the problem. I've got this friend who is a regular patron of the local library. This friend of mine discovered that the library is a good source of movies and tv shows from the BBC, so she started taking out a bunch at a time. Now, this friend of mine, she's never had a problem with late fees. Everything she took out was always returned, in pristine condition, on time. Early, even.

One day, while perusing her library account online, this friend of mine noticed a DVD she'd returned shown as still being checked out. As it was coming due, she panicked a bit and called the library. "It says this DVD is still out, but I returned it!" she said, a beacon of innocence and honesty. The library worker assured my friend that they would look into it, and someone would call her back. A few days went by and there was no word from the library, so my friend checked her online account and noticed that it had been removed from her "Items Out" menu, but had been moved to "Blocks" (which is like "Assorted Notes and Comments" for people who don't frequent their online library account as much as my friend does) with the title: "Claimed Return." CLAIMED. The word struck my friend in my heart like a knife. It was not a claimed return, it was a RETURNED return.

(I will take this moment to let you know about the time my friend returned a book, but the library claimed that she'd lost it, so she marched into the library, took the "lost" book off the shelf, and showed it triumphantly to the librarian. RETURNED return.)

Fast forward in our tale a few weeks. This friend of mine, she updated me: her mother was looking at the family collection of DVDs, and lo and behold she found the DVD my friend was certain she had returned. My friend's mom was apologetic, assuming responsibility for sweeping the rental DVD in with the rest when she was cleaning house.

Here is the dilemma. Does my friend return the DVD to the library, and sheepishly apologize for the misunderstanding, and pay the no doubt EXORBITANT overdue fines? Or does she keep the DVD that the library has already believed to be lost, at no fault of my friend? Or, and this is what I'm thinking I should advise her to do, should she take the DVD to a different library than her usual, and hide it among the other DVDs until some diligent library worker notices it and assumes there has just been some kind of mistake?

My friend would really appreciate your advice on this matter. She told me so.

Sewing up the Fold

I've changed my mind; I don't think it's cheating to plan my 30 days of creativity before I commence. I don't think it's that kind of challenge. Plus, who cares? It's not like I'm entering an actual contest. Thusly, I have chosen my first creative project: magnets! This morning I was tearing pages out of magazines in anticipation for my magnets. It's all very exciting. I've also found a few sewing things, like a bag and a change purse, because I am optimistic about my ability to sew. (I might be disappointed.)

Also this morning I requested a million books from the library. I find that better than walking into the library and perusing the aisles, because I am terrible at choosing books on the fly. What I should have been doing instead was planning Math 9 and looking for apartments. Sometimes I question my decision-making skills.

The Moon Reflects Such a Beautiful Light

The book I just started reading has a lot of folded over pages in it. Now I'm concerned that it sucks, because a large number of people abandoned it before they finished. I haven't yet decided if I should cave to peer pressure and give up now, or persevere and make my own decision. I'll let you know what happens.

That car I looked at yesterday didn't work out. I'm disappointed because it would have been simpler if it had, and now I have to keep looking and I don't really know how or where to look. I think that everyone who posts a car on craigslist is trying to scam me, even though I have no basis for that thought, and I don't know where else people post cars. So far I'm pretty zen about the whole thing because I have lots of time, and also because stuff keeps falling into my lap. Perhaps the perfect car awaits me, I need only be patient.

One of the things I love most in the world is seeing the moon in the daytime. I don't know why, but it always makes me smile. It's like the moon is saying, "Hey guys! What's up?" and I think it's adorable. Other times, like right now, I can see a fullish moon surrounded by a foggy ring, and it's kind of creepy; but I will always love surprise daytime moon.

"Everyone knows that books are better than life! That's why they're books! "

Last night I had a dream that a friend and I were at Powell's Books, and I was sitting on the floor reading all these books, and it was pretty much the greatest dream ever. (And also true-to-life, because that friend and I are going there some time this summer, for reals. I have some crazy psychic dream powers sometimes.) I love bookstores. Especially used ones, because the lighting is dim and the floors are creaky; it feels more like a library than a store, and I love libraries. I have started a list of all the books I want to look for, but mostly what I am excited about is walking through the aisles and being surrounded by books. (So many books. You need a map. Which you can then use as evidence at the border when they don't believe you drove to Portland for a day to see a bookstore.)

Words Float out Like Holograms

Two of the books I've read in the past couple of days have mentioned Archduke Franz Ferdinand. His name, assassination, and the subsequent WWI are pretty much the only things I remember from History class in high school, except for a board game my friend and I made about concentration camps. (I know way too much about concentration camps for a person of such delicate sensibilities.) I feel like this is a meaningful coincidence, except I don't know what for. What could these books possibly be trying to tell me. (It's like that time many, many years ago, when all I heard about was Fresno, California. It seemed like everyone and their moms were talking about Fresno and I was intrigued. What's so great about Fresno? Aren't there other wonderful places in California? I don't like California anymore, anyway. I had a bad experience.)

Moving along. Whilst reading I discovered two more things: I enjoy novels with footnotes, and I am losing the ability to experience things. I start a book and find myself hurrying along so I can find out what happens at the end and be finished. When did this happen? Reading is one of my favourite things! I also noticed it when I went to the tulips, and when I waited in line for two hours to get into the Art Gallery for free. I can't just look at stuff. How do normal people do it? I don't know what my internal monologue is supposed to be while I am looking at stuff. If I can't interact with it, or explore it, or learn something from it, I don't know what to do with it. I find this troubling.

Playing Under the Table and Dreaming

I love love love to read, but unfortunately I am super picky about the books I read, so I am often disappointed and don't even make it past the first chapter. I can't really explain what my requirements are, except that I need the writing to be inventive and smooth, and it can't be sad, and I like it best when it's a little bit creepy and there's a tiny bit of romance. Often I find myself enjoying books that were written for kids, which is kind of embarrassing because I am a grown-up. I do like grown-up books, but for some reason it's hard to find books that meet my specific criteria in the grown-up section of the library. So many kids books are really creepy in ways that only kids books can be, like with evil family members and a tiny bit of magic and weird stuff that doesn't exactly make sense. Here is a list of my favourite books that I am way too old to enjoy.

1. "The Phantom Tollbooth" - Norton Juster. About a bored kid who receives a mysterious package, which turns out to be a little tollbooth that transports him into this place called Beyond Expectations. There's a king of words and a king of numbers who hate each other, and lots of creepy stuff that comes from plays on words, like a Senses Taker who takes away your senses and a guy who has no face! Now whenever I get a package I am hoping it is a little tollbooth, but of course it never is.


2. "Jellybeans" - Sylvia van Ommen. About a cat and a rabbit (I think it's a cat, the drawings aren't very detailed) who talk about what happens after you die, and jellybeans.

3. "Everything on a Waffle" - Polly Horvath. About a girl whose dad goes missing at sea, so her mom goes after him, and everyone but her thinks that they're dead. So her crazy uncle comes to take care of her, but there's this social worker who keeps trying to get her taken away and sent in to foster care. Plus, she accidentally chops off a finger, and there's this restaurant that literally serves everything on a waffle.

4. "The Willoughbys" - Lois Lowry. About these four kids who think that their lives should be like the lives of kids in stories, so they try to kill their parents so they can become orphans (because kids in stories are always orphans). At the same time, their parents are too busy to deal with having four kids, so throughout the book they try to murder their children, or sell the house with the kids still in it, and stuff like that. It's super creepy and awesome.

5. "Midnight for Charlie Bone" - Jenny Nimmo. About this kid named Charlie who turns out has magical powers, just like his two aunts and his uncle, so he gets sent away to magic school. Only, it's EVIL MAGIC SCHOOL and he almost dies a million times, plus when he comes home his aunts try to kill him also. But he makes friends with a lady who owns a used bookstore, and maybe she can save him.

6. "Sorcery and Cecelia; or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot" - Patricia C. Wrede and Caroline Stevermer. About two cousins, one of whom gets sent to London with an evil aunt and one of whom has to stay home because of some incident with a goat. Somehow they both get embroiled in this scheme that two wizards developed to take over the world, plus there is a bit of romance that I totally did not see coming. I was really excited to read the sequel, but the sequel is a bunch of crap. I hate it when that happens.

Maybe later I will create a list of grown-up books. But right now I am going to try skipping! I bought a skipping rope from Wal-Mart because I remember skipping being fun and I think it is good exercise. Plus, my hair is shorter than it was the last time I skipped, which is good because the last time my ponytail kept whipping me in the face or getting tangled up in the rope and it was the most annoying thing to ever happen in the history of time.

(Discovery: I need some grown-up hobbies. Ideas?)