so maybe speed it up a little

One of my favourite pastimes is eavesdropping. I love to sit in a crowd and listen to what everyone is saying without having to make the effort to contribute to the conversation. Digging interesting words out of my brain is exhausting. So, I guess I like eavesdropping because I'm lazy. I wonder how many of my other favourite things stem from languidness?

1) Purple: Eyes drawn to purple items from habit? Too much effort to muster up some enthusiasm for the rest of the colours?
2) Reading: A very sedentary habit. Especially because I prefer reading in a reclined position as opposed to, say, reading on a treadmill.
3) Lemon pudding: Can't be bothered to make the rest of the parts of the pie?
4) Singing in my car: I could just drive around with my mouth shut, so I think I'm probably good here. Plus, if I don't know the words I usually head-bob enthusiastically. That's basically like exercise.

I heard on the radio today that a naturally slow gait is correlated to DEMENTIA. Of course I have a naturally slow gait. I'm a lazy bum. However, a weak handshake is connected to heart disease and stroke, and I have like the best handshake of all time. I'm pretty sure that's why I've gotten all my jobs. So... I'm probably good, then. I'll just keep shaking hands firmly and everything will be fine.

a really long rant about bias

I spent a lot of money to get a Psychology degree at Trinity Western University. For five years of my life mostly I just read and took notes and listened to people talk about different psychologists, theories, methods, and so on, so one would imagine that I have a lot of knowledge kicking around in my brain about this topic, right? Apparently the time I spent zoned out and/or playing Solitaire on my laptop and/or skipping class to go to movies interfered with the transfer process from short term to long term memory, because I can only remember like three or four things from my entire degree.

One of these things is BIAS. The one thing that I recall from my awful Statistics course is that there is bias in everything. In dog food commercials they say, "90% of people prefer this brand to grocery store brands," but they don't tell you that basically nobody buys their dog food from grocery stores, they buy their dog food from pet stores, so of course most people are going to prefer some crap from a pet store than some weird stuff from the grocery store.

In toothpaste ads they tell you that "9 out of 10 dentists recommend this toothpaste," but they don't tell you how many people they asked (was it only 10?), who they were (were they the buddies of the guy who makes the toothpaste?), or what exactly the question was (Survey Guy: "Would you recommend this toothpaste over brushing your teeth with icing sugar?" Dentist: "Why yes. Yes I would." Survey Guy: "Bam! 9 out of 10.")

Basically what this means is that I don't trust anything. On Tuesday I went to a Bible study I'd never been to before, and somehow the topic of Bible translations came up, and this one guy showed me a chart his church had done, ranking the translations in order of what is best/most accurate (King James) to what was the worst/why even bother (The Message). Another guy said that he uses the ESV because his church had researched it and said it was the best.

What I thought in my brain but didn't say out loud because I was new and they were both really nice and possibly right after all was, "Yeah, right." Because, one time when I was paying attention in a RELS class at TWU, the prof said that the King James Version is called such because King James was all, "Hey, make me a translation of the Bible." Now, Wikipedia tells me that he wanted everything to be accurate and as close to the original text as possible, but he was the king. If he had a particular view of what he thought should be in the Bible, and some dude is the guy in charge of translating the Bible, might he not be desirous of translating it in such a way as reflects what the king wishes it to say? Because otherwise he might become murdered or something?

I also thought that perhaps the research the church read before endorsing the ESV may have, perhaps, been sponsored by the people who sell the ESV. Because they wish everyone to purchase their translation instead of all the other ones. In another course I took, a lady was doing a speech on healthy eating or something similar, and she said that the reason why the Heart and Stroke Foundation endorses Becel, saying it's the best for your heart etc., is because Becel sponsors the Heart and Stroke Foundation. What if someone who worked for the Heart and Stroke Foundation did some rogue research and found out that Becel is actually crap for your heart? I do not think that the H&S F would be like, "Hey, yeah! Go ahead and publish that. We totally don't care that Becel would be so mad they'd stop paying for all our stuff."

Anyway. I'm not sure why I'm so obsessed with bias all of a sudden, in such a way as that I don't really see the point in researching what kind of biblical translation is best, or why we chose some Old Testament laws to continue following and some to not follow anymore, or what kind of toothpaste to use. Because nobody tells the truth in these kinds of things anymore.

lobster with mayonaise and cucumbers in buttermilk

There is a monsoon outside my window. When I have my dog, I will be going for walks in such weather; I adore walking in the rain, so I look forward to this time. Meanwhile, I watched another musical.

13. Carefree (1938) - Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers. Fred Astaire is a psychiatrist, and Ginger Rogers is a lady who was sent to him by her fiance because she kept breaking off their engagement. Naturally, she falls in love with Fred Astaire; naturally, he doesn't realize he loves her back until he's already hypnotized her into hating him and loving her fiance instead. Fred tries to get back into her subconscious to fix his mistake, but the chance doesn't arise for him until the fiance accidentally punches Ginger in the face and knocks her out. Fred plants the idea that he loves her into her subconscious, and they get married.
         I was offended within the first five minutes - Fred Astaire is all, "I bet she's just another dizzy female with no brain," until he sees how gorgeous she is. Then he changes his tune and decides that she's wonderful. COME ON, Fred Astaire. A little more integrity, please. It was at that moment that I discovered that I am looking for modern values in an OLD movie. Everyone thought about women that way. It's ingrained in my mind that women don't deserve to be thought of only in that way, but that kind of thinking wasn't around everywhere in the 30s. Boo, 1930s. Being a Psychology major, I also disliked the poor representation of what a psychiatrist can do. Hello, ethics. You can't just hypnotize people at the drop of a hat to serve your own purposes.
         What I liked was that there was less dancing here, and also Ginger Rogers continues to be fantastic. There was a long scene in which she is hypnotized to act impulsively, so she runs through traffic and throws a cop's nightstick into a giant glass window and tosses her shoe into someone's car. I also liked Fred Astaire's singing - he has an amazing voice. His small head continues to bother me, but when he sings I have something else to focus on.
          In a lot of these old movies that I get from the library, they include a Special Features section with old animated short movies. One of the ones on this dvd was called "September in the Rain," and before it was showed there was an interesting note: it said that the following cartoon depicted racial stereotypes, which were wrong at the time and are wrong now. They do not reflect the beliefs of the production company (which is a lie, because if they didn't, then the company wouldn't have presented it - they should have said "do not reflect the beliefs that the company holds today" or something), but to not show it would be to pretend that these stereotypes never existed.
          I think that is really interesting. It seems like something that should be in front of a lot of old movies, especially ones that are set in the South and always seem to include a few token joyous slave segments. Also, with all the hoopla about taking the N-word out of The Adventures of Huck Finn - to take the word out and re-publish it with a new word in its place is like saying that kind of attitude towards African-American people never existed. I think it would be a lot more conducive to discussion and stuff if they left it in, with that kind of note in front of it. I don't know, though. I'm not an expert on racism and how to deal with stereotypes.

they are also all wearing pants

Driving home from work in the snow gives one a sense of accomplishment. "Check out how good of a driver I am!" one might say, after successfully backing in to a parking spot after acing the treacherous roads. "I'm amazing." (That's just what I said, except I said it to myself because there was nobody else around.) Then, when I was walking into my building, there was this lady trying to sweep snow off her van with a push-broom, and so I helped her. After that I felt like Superman! Sweet driving skills and an altruistic gesture. Fantastic.

Then I reclined on my couch because working all day after previously sleeping all day is HARD. I made it through my classes with lots of juice and tea and Vicks, but at the end of the day I felt a bit light-headed and I think I'll go to bed soon. Meanwhile, I watched another musical.

9. Guys and Dolls (1955) - Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra, Jean Simmons, Vivian Blaine. This is about gambling, two guys and their respective dolls, and various secrets and misunderstandings. The first thing I noticed was the odd lack of contractions in much of the dialogue. They will alternately say, "ain't got a grand," and "cannot believe they will not take your marker." It was very distracting, and caused me to dislike the movie until Marlon Brando and that lady went to Havana. Then it came about that I can definitely see why he had dozens of illegitimate children - that man is CHARMING.
     What I liked was the beginning scene, where they showed how sleazy the city was in a fantastic dance sequence, and the costumes, and the romance between cad Marlon Brando and innocent Jean Simmons. Of course she reformed him, but he reformed because he WANTED to. Before that could happen, though, there was a terrible misunderstanding and they got in a fight and it wasn't his fault but she blamed him and I felt so bad for him! Jean Simmons, how can you fight with him? He is so charming!
     What I did not like was the lack of contractions - it sounded SO WEIRD. Internet movie trivia tells me that it legitimately copies the writing style of the original author, so I guess that's cool. But it drives me bananas. Also, don't watch Marlon Brando's mouth too closely when he's singing - apparently all his songs had to be mashed together from a bunch of takes because his singing voice was somewhat sub-par, and he doesn't seem to know how a singer moves his mouth.
     Something confused me, however. They sang a song about gazing into each others' eyes and seeing love and how wonderful that was, and it reminded me of a quote from The Sound of Music: "Nothing's more irresistible to a man than a woman who's in love with him." But then, you know all those other movies where the boys are in love with girls who won't give them the time of day, and girls fall for boys who are big jerks? Which one is real life? That's what I'd like to know.
     I am starting to regret my thirst for movie trivia. While looking into this one, I found out that Frank Sinatra was insanely jealous because Marlon Brando (who never sang before) got the title part, so he called him "Mumbles" behind his back! That made me sad. Come on, Frank Sinatra - can't you see how freaking CHARMING he is?
     Overall, I liked this one. It's a good story, and you will not regret investing your time in Marlon Brando.

i shall be a ditch-digger who once had a wonderful day

I have too much time on my hands today. I just ate soup and toast, and planned Math and Socials for tomorrow, and also watched another musical! I loved it. I've been re-watching the penultimate scene over and over again, because I love it so much. It made me smile between my hacking coughs.

8. Hello, Dolly! (1969) - Barbara Streisand, Walter Matthau. This one is actually not a musical about a musical, surprisingly enough. The plot is a bit confusing: there's this awesome lady named Dolly Levi, who can do all sorts of things, and she has THE BEST WARDROBE OF ALL TIME. Seriously. I looked for pictures to include here for you to gaze upon, but they were all in black and white. Sad face. Anyway, she is somehow involved in the life of this crotchety gentleman, Walter Matthau, while simultaneously being in love with him (secretly). She helps his niece elope with the niece's boyfriend, and then also helps his two store clerks escape to New York and fall in love with pretty milliners, and then at the end the two of them fall in love. How they get from A (dislike) to B (marriage) is unclear, but nevertheless, that is what happens.
     What I liked was the lack of misogyny, and her incredible wardrobe, and how pretty she is, and her lovely voice, and the "Hello, Dolly!" song with Louis Armstrong! I re-watched that scene about five times because it's so wonderful and happy. Louis Armstrong sings his part with the most giant smile on his face, it is physically impossible for you to watch it without smiling.
     What I did not like was how the plot wasn't very strong (how did they fall in love? Oh, they just did? Oh, okay.), and how apparently Walter Matthau hated Barbara Streisand so much that he REFUSED to kiss her at the end, so it was just a tricky camera angle that made it look like they were kissing! How could anyone hate Barbara Streisand?
    Regardless of those minor infractions, nobody is really a jerk in this one (how refreshing!), and her dresses are PHENOMENAL, and she is so lovely. Also, there were so many wonderfully cheeky parts, like when one old guy comes in in the middle of a song and says, "I'm sorry, son, I came in late" and he sings the part of the song he heard, and the crowd fills him in; and also when Barbara Streisand is singing good-bye to Walter Matthau, she starts out in this weird, dramatic, fabulous way, and then tells him to stop interrupting her after he gives her a strange look for singing in such a manner. And if for no other reason, you should watch it to see Barbara Streisand and Louis Armstrong smile at each other.

he knowses his toeses aren't roses

What I do now, after a long day of teaching exponents and ecosystems and road rules and 1 Chronicles to a bunch of kids who don't want to learn about any of that stuff, is come home and watch musicals. I was never particularly fond of musicals before, but ever since a friend introduced me to White Christmas this Christmastime, I love love love them. Now I watch them all the time, and I will tell you what I think about them because I know you care deeply for my opinion.

1. White Christmas (1954) - Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Vera Ellen, Rosemary Clooney. I've already talked about this one a lot, but I will say it again: I love it. LOVE IT. Plus, even though it says "Christmas" in the title, it's totally not a Christmas movie until the end, so you could watch it right now. My favourite parts are Rosemary Clooney's face and how she smiles and also her singing voice, and how high the mens' pants are, and Danny Kaye's voice breaking when he's propositioned, and watching Vera Ellen dance.
       What I dislike is how there is a misunderstanding and nobody TALKS about it, so Rosemary Clooney goes off in a huff for nothing because if she'd just SAID something to Bing Crosby before she took the train she never would have had to break up the act. I also dislike that I always get the "Sisters" song stuck in my head. Plus, isn't it weird that somebody's name is Bing?

2. The Sound of Music (1965) - Julie Andrews, Christopher Plummer. I'd seen this one loads of times, but my mom got it for Christmas this year, so we watched it again, and I liked it even more since I like musicals now. My favourite is when they sing about what are they going to do about Maria, and then she runs in frantically because she's late, and then she sees them, freezes, sighs, and stomps off. I do not like the song the old nun sings, or the fact that Christopher Plummer was a jerk for the whole time they were making the movie, or that the movie is not at all what happened in real life.
      Also, even though I dislike him personally, I enjoyed Christopher Plummer's singing voice, and then I found out it wasn't even him! One negative thing about me liking musicals is that initially I thought everybody was so talented, but then I discovered that in fact they are NOT talented, they just steal someone ELSE'S talent and dub it in as their own. Now I'm cynical; tonight when I was watching The Band Wagon, I was looking at the lady dancing and I thought to myself, "She's probably not even doing that dancing herself."

3. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954) - Howard Keel, Jane Powell. This one was completely stupid. It is about this stupid, giant, cocky, mountain bear man who goes into town one day and is all, "I need some sugar, and a shovel, and some cheese, and a wife!" The people at the store are all, "Uh, we don't sell wives here." So he goes through the streets singing about the qualities he would like in a wife, which are of course, being pretty, and slim, and a good cook, and willing and able to do all the chores. He finds some girl who meets all the criteria, but first he's like, "I'm not going to marry her unless I like her cooking!" so he tries her stew and likes it, and proposes, and she accepts, and then she finds out that really he just wanted an un-paid servant/maid for all his stupid, giant, cocky, mountain bear man brothers. She's actually pretty cool, though, and flips the breakfast table over on all of them for being jerks, and they start to like her.
        Then they decide that they should go into town and steal women to be their wives, so they do, and the women scream and cry and faint whilst being absconded, but guess what happens? THEY FALL IN LOVE. With the stupid, giant, cocky, mountain bear men who STOLE THEM FROM THEIR BEDS. Plus, a bunch of other stuff happens that prove the original guy to be pretty much the worst man ever to exist, but somehow it comes about that his WIFE is the one who has to apologize. Plus, all the songs are stupid. This is the worst musical ever. Do not watch it. (The Dutch title is the only good thing about it: "Zeven bruiden voor zeven broeders.")

4. Singin' in the Rain (1952) - Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor, Debbie Reynolds. I love this one. What I've been noticing is that a lot of musicals are like behind the scenes movies about making musicals, where they not only sing and dance in the musical they are pretending to film (the meta-musical, if you will), they also spontaneously burst into song and dance in real life. This is about Gene Kelly is a silent movie star who is in a fake relationship with his co-star for publicity, but she's not a very nice person and he secretly hates her. (Not secretly, actually - he tells her all the time.) Then he meets Debbie Reynolds, who makes fun of him and so he falls in love with her. Then movies start coming out with sound, so his studio freaks out and tries to turn Gene Kelly's newest silent movie into a sound movie, but it's a total disaster, until Debbie Reynolds and Donald O'Connor save the day. It's super awesome. My favourite is when he sings in the rain, and how awful the mean girl is, and Debbie Reynolds' costumes. I do not care for the fact that apparently Gene Kelly was a big fat jerk in real life. But you still should watch this movie! It's great.

5. Once Upon a Mattress (2005) - Carol Burnett, Tracey Ullman, Zooey Deschanel. I rented this from the library because I was looking up musicals and it came up and I thought it sounded neat. It was okay - I like the old musicals better because of the dancing and the costumes. (Although the costumes in this one were pretty spectacular.) It's like the princess and the pea story, with Carol Burnett as the weird mom who makes it impossible for her son to get married, and then there's this lady, Zooey Deschanel, in the court who needs to get married because she is pregnant, but nobody can get married before the prince does. So she sends her boyfriend to find a princess who will pass the queen's insane test, and he brings back this crazy princess from a swamp, who is actually awesome.
      I loved Tracey Ullman in this, and all the ladies had amazing hair, and the princess was great. I disliked Matthew Morrison's face and hair, but luckily he was not in it that often. Plus, there was a weird part at the end when the king got his voice back and he was being a jerk to the queen - even though she was a jerk to him first, I did not like it. I wish people would stop being jerks. You will probably be okay to not see this one.

6. The Band Wagon (1954) - Fred Astaire, Cyd Charisse. I watched this one because when I was looking up trivia on Singin' in the Rain, there were lots of comparisons about Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire, who were apparently buds with super different dancing styles. Also, whereas Gene Kelly was not always the nicest person to be around, apparently Fred Astaire was super awesome, so I wanted to see him in something. It was a little weird in this movie, because he looked so much older than the girl he was kissing, and he seemed so out of place in the movie with his high pants and his small head. Although, they might have done that on purpose because one of the points of the movie was that he felt too old to be in musicals and he used to be famous but people forgot about him.
      What I liked was to finally see him in something, and watching him dance because he is awesome, and also Cyd Charisse in all her different personalities that changed with her costumes, and her white skirt that was my favourite. I disliked when they kissed at the end, because it was really awkward and I looked it up and he was 54 when they made the movie and she was 32! Which isn't so bad, not like she was 19, but they looked so far apart in age that it was weird. He was born in 1899, you guys! Before the 1900s! I know obviously people were born before the 1900s. But still. This one was not my favourite, but it was still pretty good.

Now you're all caught up on my opinions. Stay tuned for more! I got to borrow a bunch from a friend before I came back after Christmas break, so I've got tons waiting to be critiqued. Just you wait.

not so much as a "kiss my foot" or "have an apple"

Hey guys! It's Christmas Eve! I am in my pajamas and watching White Christmas for probably the seventh time, while simultaneously looking it up on imdb. For instance, did you know that Danny Kaye wasn't even supposed to be IN it? And that Vera Ellen doesn't actually sing any of her own songs? And that her waist was 21 INCHES??????????? And that part where Bob and Phil dance the ladies' dance in the ladies' costumes wasn't in the script, but Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye were fooling around on the set and did that for fun and they stuck it in the movie because it was awesome? I am a font of information. This brings to mind this internet comic that I saw which is amazing and completely appropriate for this situation, where the heading is "BEFORE THE INTERNET," and there are two people sitting on a couch. One person says, "Oh, no! I just thought of something I wanted to know more about!" and the other person says, "I'm so sorry." I wish I could find it for you. It is so perfectly suited.

The family went to the Christmas Eve service at church, and I give it an A+ for music and message, but a D- for punctuation on the power point slides. Every single slide was missing some sort of valuable punctuation, which distracted me because it occurred to me that without punctuation the songs either make no sense, or mean something different. For example, there's the old, "Hark the herald angel sing," which should be "Hark, the herald angel sing!" otherwise you think that Hark is the name of a herald angel. Also, whereas I always see is as

What Child is this who laid to rest
On Mary’s lap is sleeping?

it should be "who, laid to rest on Mary's lap, is sleeping." And "bring Him incense COMMA gold COMMA and myrrh," but I think that is a relatively new grammar rule.

(Actually, you probably don't care about any of that. Sorry. But I am the girl who owns a poster about when to use a semi-colon, and also about how to use apostrophes.)

One Foot in Sea, One on Shore

Who remembers Bill Nye the Science Guy? Those were the best science classes in grade five, when we got to watch episodes of that phenomenal show instead of reading the textbook or whatever. My favourite parts were when he'd go, "DID YOU KNOW THAT..." and then tell you something awesome, and then be all, "...NOW YOU KNOW." Sometimes I try to whip that out in real life, but nobody seems to get it. Maybe I don't have the correct booming, echoey inflection that made it work. I should carry around a bullhorn with special effects for the next time. For now, you need to imagine it in your head.

DID YOU KNOW THAT...

Apparently "ambivalent" means "simultaneous and contradictory attitudes or feelings (as attraction and repulsion) toward an object, person, or action." For my WHOLE LIFE I thought it meant that you couldn't care less. Like, I have no opinion, I'm ambivalent. Then a few days ago I found out what it actually means, and I can't believe it! How have I lived almost 25 years thinking it meant something completely different? How many statements have I made that make no sense or are inaccurate because I was using a word wrong! I need to buy a pocket dictionary and then consult it before I ever speak again.

This is relevant because I am feeling ambivalent about moving. I am really excited, but also scared. It's like when I told my grandmother last night; she said, "I'm happy... but also sad." That is exactly how I feel.

... NOW YOU KNOW. (What ambivalent means. That was the point of this.)