not so much as a "kiss my foot" or "have an apple"

Hey guys! It's Christmas Eve! I am in my pajamas and watching White Christmas for probably the seventh time, while simultaneously looking it up on imdb. For instance, did you know that Danny Kaye wasn't even supposed to be IN it? And that Vera Ellen doesn't actually sing any of her own songs? And that her waist was 21 INCHES??????????? And that part where Bob and Phil dance the ladies' dance in the ladies' costumes wasn't in the script, but Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye were fooling around on the set and did that for fun and they stuck it in the movie because it was awesome? I am a font of information. This brings to mind this internet comic that I saw which is amazing and completely appropriate for this situation, where the heading is "BEFORE THE INTERNET," and there are two people sitting on a couch. One person says, "Oh, no! I just thought of something I wanted to know more about!" and the other person says, "I'm so sorry." I wish I could find it for you. It is so perfectly suited.

The family went to the Christmas Eve service at church, and I give it an A+ for music and message, but a D- for punctuation on the power point slides. Every single slide was missing some sort of valuable punctuation, which distracted me because it occurred to me that without punctuation the songs either make no sense, or mean something different. For example, there's the old, "Hark the herald angel sing," which should be "Hark, the herald angel sing!" otherwise you think that Hark is the name of a herald angel. Also, whereas I always see is as

What Child is this who laid to rest
On Mary’s lap is sleeping?

it should be "who, laid to rest on Mary's lap, is sleeping." And "bring Him incense COMMA gold COMMA and myrrh," but I think that is a relatively new grammar rule.

(Actually, you probably don't care about any of that. Sorry. But I am the girl who owns a poster about when to use a semi-colon, and also about how to use apostrophes.)

subdued with painted tongues

For some reason I have an inability to stand still over the sink whilst brushing my teeth. (Side comment: one time when looking at some website about grammar, I learned that "whilst" and "while" mean exactly the same thing, and people who use high-faultin' "whilst" instead of regular old "while" are pretentious jerkfaces. This almost physically wounded me, because I LOVE "whilst," because saying things fancy instead of saying them plain is one of my favourite things. I don't know why I'm telling you this, except maybe I want your opinion, and argue that I think people who use "whilst" are whimsical but there is nothing wrong with people who say "while.") This has led to a lot of toothpaste-stained shirts, because hey, did you know that if you get toothpaste on something it bleaches it? Surprise! The reason I mention it is because I'm worried about accidentally leaving behind little bleach dots all over the carpet in my new apartment and then I don't think I'll get my damage deposit back. Or, maybe I use too much toothpaste and it's not supposed to froth out of my mouth like it does? Before I reduce the amount I use to conduct an experiment on this query, I should pretend I have rabies because I've never done that before.

with the words you've borrowed

I just used the word 'heretofore' in a sentence, and then looked up the definition, and discovered I used it correctly! I think everybody should try and use that word today. It's pretty amazing.

with its usual severity

Hey! Remember this? And remember when I said I'd buy it when I became a millionaire, and/or a real teacher? (Actually, I totally forgot I said I'd buy it when I became a real teacher. Which makes my news less exciting, since it's exactly what I said I would do.) Well, that website turned one year old so the guy had a 50% off sale! Which I took advantage of to also buy this. So now it costs the same as if I'd have just bought the first poster initially. But now I have two! And a classroom in which to put them.

So it's still hot out. I know I just talked about that yesterday, but I think I'm a pretty singularly-focused individual, as evidenced by a million posts about worry re: Campbell River, then a million posts re: getting the job in Campbell River, and now a million posts on how stinking hot it is. Sorry. But at least I gave you a heads up! I'm considerate like that.

Today I wore shoes to work, due to dress code regulations. However, as soon as I sat down I took my shoes off, and was working the whole time in bare feet, and guess who noticed? Nobody. Because nobody looks at my feet when I'm working.

Then I went to the mall and bought earrings I didn't need while searching for earrings I did need (which I also bought), and then a necklace and then two posters on the internet. I think someone needs to take my credit card away.

Through the Jungle Through the Dark

Some context for my last post: I'm freaking out a bit at the prospect of moving to Campbell River for a teaching job. On one hand this is super exciting, especially in light of my awesome TOC stint on Monday - I realized that I love teaching so much that I would go wherever I had to to do it. (I was a lunch time supervisor, wandering around outside with my reflective vest and settling disputes such as, "She won't let me play," "They're talking about me behind my back," and "I really DO think that climbing this old, dead tree is safe!" Could I BE any more of a teacher?) On the other hand, moving far(ish) away from home and having to pay rent and buy my own groceries and teach grade nine math is scary. Also, what if I move to Campbell River and then all of a sudden Surrey wants to hire me? What if I take the job and move away and I don't fit in with the staff, or I discover that I can't teach grade nine math? What if I go insane with loneliness? I should not count my chickens before they hatch (or is it eggs? Don't count your eggs before they hatch? I don't think I've ever actually used that phrase before.), so I need to stop worrying about it. It's an interview, not a job offer. Chill out, self.

On another note, why do some people pronounce 'human' as 'yooman'? When does 'h' EVER make the 'y' sound? Never. It never does. Stop saying it that way.

Until a Quieter Time

Lately I have taken to pretend punching my dog in the face. (PRETEND.) He always acts super offended and barks at me, jumping up and trying to bite my hand off. I am comforted by the fact that if anybody actually tries to punch my dog in the face, he will know what to do.

I've been in a foul mood, generally speaking, for a week or so. I thought it sprung from changing my sleeping pattern from ambitious waking-up-at-7-am-in-case-of-TOC-call to a more realistic waking-up-at-8-am-because-I-am-not-nuts. The line between cheerful and grouchy may lie betwixt those morning hours. However, now I am worried that my sleeping pills are altering my moods and I'm going to turn in to a serial killer. I've exhausted (pun) all other natural sleep aids, and my doctor said these are okay - he said I could take three, and I only take one. Probably I should be fine. But if you see me with a murderous glint in my eye, please remove all weaponry from the vicinity and escort me to the doctor. (Thanks in advance.) In the meantime, I will perhaps compromise with myself and aim for a 7:30am awakening and see if that has any affect* on things.

(*I googled it: affect = a verb meaning "to influence;" effect = a noun meaning "result/to bring about".)

Wait by the Window

I saw this yesterday and my heart nearly burst from joy. The poster of it has been added to the list of Things I Will Buy When I Win The Lottery Or Get A Full Time Job.

I'm waiting for a package again. I should probably stop ordering things from the internet, since it takes FOREVER to get stuff. Alternately, I could spend the waiting time building a teleportation device, either to bring the item to myself, or to get and retrieve it. Teleportation is one of the future technologies I am most excited about, except that it would ruin singing in the car. Sometimes, nothing beats singing in the car.

Holy crap THUNDER! Thunder just happened just now! And now some hail. Excuse me while I go stand outside in my bare feet with a mug to catch hail. (I feel badly for loving something that my dog hates so much, but THUNDER! And HAIL! Unexpected weather! Best day ever. Plus I think I just made a rhyme.)