is that my heart floating up there

Today, it was stormy. I was in the middle of watching a new t.v. show about this girl who moves to Alabama to be a doctor, and she meets this super handsome, charming fellow. At one point, they are standing out on a dock and she's telling him that she's moving back to New York, and despite how cheesy the whole thing was, it was well done in that you could see that they both wished she was sticking around so they could figure out how they felt about each other. (Even though later you find out he is ENGAGED to this really mean lady. Aren't they always.)

Anyway, so I was in the middle of that when I went outside with my dog briefly. I was wearing my plaid gumboots and my ugly brown raincoat because it was stormy. Like, really stormy you guys. And I was watching the sky, with the huge dark clouds rolling by, different shades of gray and black swirling around, when I saw a strange shape flying around up there. Is that an eagle, I wondered. Could it be a heron?

I stared at it until the wind shifted and it turned out it was a big heart balloon. The red of it was a stark contrast to how black the sky was. It had a tail string, and seemed to glide and bob around leisurely despite the tumultuous wind surrounding it. I watched it until it disappeared above the clouds.

Then I thought, what is the significance of this balloon. How does it metaphorically apply to my life? Was it saying that my heart is at liberty to dance in the wind and go wherever it so chooses and I can adventure and not be encumbered by another person. Or was it saying that my heart is utterly alone in unstable and uncharted territory, because everyone I know is married and there are no boys that like me and I will die alone.

If I hadn't been watching an emotional boy-girl scene on t.v., I probably would have looked up and said, "Hey, neat. A balloon."

mystical aerial moments of delight

Yesterday during English class I was a plane. We went outside for exercise and it was just so windy; I was standing there surrounded by the children and had the consuming desire to stick my arms out and make whooshing sounds with my mouth. At first I was just walking, with plane wings for arms, diagonally this way and then diagonally that way. I wove between students who stared at me, perplexed, wondering why their teacher was suddenly completely bananapants insane.

Then two students stuck their arms out and started following me, and we chased after a boy in a little line of planes. We chased him until he tripped on a tree root and fell down. "Yes!" I shouted, "we got him." A few more joined our line of planes because now we were chasing people, and then some students turned into fighter jets and attacked us from all sides. I haven't run in probably three years, but as a whooshing plane I ran around the grass field, leading a troop of little whooshing planes, deflecting fighter jets and chasing boys until they tripped and fell down.

We were all planes until the bell rang; then we went inside and laughed on the way up the stairs because when was the last time anybody was a plane? The wind is a magical thing.

Sometimes I love being a teacher.

while the wind whines overhead

One thing I like about winter is the dry air at night-time. Every time I move my blankets it causes a visible static electricity storm, which makes me feel like there's a lightning show going on just for me.

like almost nothing in the world

The sun came out today. I love all types of weather, especially extreme weather: I danced in the wind and hail all the way to Tim Horton's with my grade sevens yesterday. However, sometimes it's just nice to see the sun. I went for a walk beside the ocean and it seemed like everything was basking - there were these birds sitting on a rock with their wings open, like they were going to take off, but they stayed that way for a really long time. Either taking a really long time to psych themselves up for flying, or airing out the armpits, or warming the feathers in the unexpected sun. I wore several layers for my walk, but shed most of the outer ones as I went because not only was it sunny, it was a tiny bit warm. Do you remember what warm feels like? I had almost forgotten that you can be outside and be warm at the same time.

It's a snow day today. I woke up and my hair looks spectacular. AND NOBODY WILL SEE IT.

cougars ruin everything

The sun came out today. It's been weather from a Jane Austen book for the whole week, so when I saw the sun I gasped and ran to my car and drove to the beach. It was wonderful and peaceful, and I was quite enjoying myself until I had a sudden flashback to a staff room conversation from Friday.

Teacher 1: "There's more cougars on Vancouver Island than anywhere else."
Teacher 2: "I know what you mean. When I go for a walk with my son in the forest, there is no distance between them and us. They watch us."
Teacher 1: "They like the little guys. They can pick you up and climb up a tree no sweat."

I know I'm not a little guy objectively speaking, but relative to a cougar? I don't know! I've never seen a cougar in real life! Maybe they're three times the size as me so to them I am a little guy! So then my wonderful morning at the beach was ruined, and I had to convince myself not to run to my car, lest there be cougars about and all they were waiting for was for me to give chase. Sometimes my penchant for eavesdropping gets me in trouble.

Last weekend I had the best pork ever to exist in the world, and I got the recipe but the recipe called for a crock pot. So yesterday I bought a crock pot, and this morning I plopped all the pork inside, and mixed up the ingredients for the fantastic sauce. You know how when you're making something wonderful, you want to smell it while you're making it? I smelled it, and that was a mistake. That may be because there is cider vinegar in the sauce, and that stuff smells disgusting, and also it could be because I was supposed to use chili sauce but I used sweet thai chili sauce instead. I hope it works! I am so concerned.

Report cards are due on Monday. Guess what I'm doing today? Not report cards! Because I finished yesterday! I am totally a report card pro now. Starting on Monday I get to teach English 7, which I am SO EXCITED ABOUT, and also I get a prep every day, which I am EVEN MORE EXCITED ABOUT. It's going to be amazing.

i outsmarted myself and i don't even mind

Today was a snow day. Not really a legit one, because an hour after I called all my students to tell them the whole thing was off, I drove to school and didn't even die. Now it's 5 degrees and the sun is shining, but it's too late to take it back!

I was very productive - I went to school and marked a bunch of stuff, because I hate marking and never want to do it after a whole day of teaching, then I went to the library, and then I came home and watched a movie. Then I noticed that my apartment is really messy, and simultaneously decided I wanted cake. So I said to myself, "I'll mix up the cake and put it in the oven, and while it's baking I'll clean my apartment!"

Everything mixed up okay, and then I started picking things up from the floor. Then my body was like, "Hey wait a minute, I'm still sick over here," and I felt light-headed. So I got some juice and sat on the couch and went on the internet, because hello, I'm sick, and a sick person can't clean an apartment. So now I have cake and I didn't even have to clean anything.

they are also all wearing pants

Driving home from work in the snow gives one a sense of accomplishment. "Check out how good of a driver I am!" one might say, after successfully backing in to a parking spot after acing the treacherous roads. "I'm amazing." (That's just what I said, except I said it to myself because there was nobody else around.) Then, when I was walking into my building, there was this lady trying to sweep snow off her van with a push-broom, and so I helped her. After that I felt like Superman! Sweet driving skills and an altruistic gesture. Fantastic.

Then I reclined on my couch because working all day after previously sleeping all day is HARD. I made it through my classes with lots of juice and tea and Vicks, but at the end of the day I felt a bit light-headed and I think I'll go to bed soon. Meanwhile, I watched another musical.

9. Guys and Dolls (1955) - Marlon Brando, Frank Sinatra, Jean Simmons, Vivian Blaine. This is about gambling, two guys and their respective dolls, and various secrets and misunderstandings. The first thing I noticed was the odd lack of contractions in much of the dialogue. They will alternately say, "ain't got a grand," and "cannot believe they will not take your marker." It was very distracting, and caused me to dislike the movie until Marlon Brando and that lady went to Havana. Then it came about that I can definitely see why he had dozens of illegitimate children - that man is CHARMING.
     What I liked was the beginning scene, where they showed how sleazy the city was in a fantastic dance sequence, and the costumes, and the romance between cad Marlon Brando and innocent Jean Simmons. Of course she reformed him, but he reformed because he WANTED to. Before that could happen, though, there was a terrible misunderstanding and they got in a fight and it wasn't his fault but she blamed him and I felt so bad for him! Jean Simmons, how can you fight with him? He is so charming!
     What I did not like was the lack of contractions - it sounded SO WEIRD. Internet movie trivia tells me that it legitimately copies the writing style of the original author, so I guess that's cool. But it drives me bananas. Also, don't watch Marlon Brando's mouth too closely when he's singing - apparently all his songs had to be mashed together from a bunch of takes because his singing voice was somewhat sub-par, and he doesn't seem to know how a singer moves his mouth.
     Something confused me, however. They sang a song about gazing into each others' eyes and seeing love and how wonderful that was, and it reminded me of a quote from The Sound of Music: "Nothing's more irresistible to a man than a woman who's in love with him." But then, you know all those other movies where the boys are in love with girls who won't give them the time of day, and girls fall for boys who are big jerks? Which one is real life? That's what I'd like to know.
     I am starting to regret my thirst for movie trivia. While looking into this one, I found out that Frank Sinatra was insanely jealous because Marlon Brando (who never sang before) got the title part, so he called him "Mumbles" behind his back! That made me sad. Come on, Frank Sinatra - can't you see how freaking CHARMING he is?
     Overall, I liked this one. It's a good story, and you will not regret investing your time in Marlon Brando.

nothing to declare except my genius

Two ways in which I was a genius today:

1) I wore new boots to school, and didn't notice until I got in the building that they made farting noises each time I stepped because they are a tiny bit too big and my foot was slipping around inside. One cannot wear farting boots around high school kids, so I folded some paper towels into make-shift insoles, and ceased the farting. GENIUS.

2) I was teaching the grade nines about the difference between (-4) and -4 in exponents, and suddenly it came to me to explain it thusly: "When the negative is inside with the number, it's inside the hug of the brackets, so it sticks together and that is the base. When it's not in the brackets, it is not being hugged together with the number." They proceeded to repeat my brilliance in a mocking tone, but I didn't care because when they are writing their tests it's all going to come back to them because of the hugs. GENIUS.

It's currently snowing. They called for snow, but I never believe them; today it appears that I should have believed them. It's really fun to watch from the windows, so a few times in each class today we stared out the window at the snow. (More fun would have been playing in the snow, but then we come into the trouble of throwing snowballs and going to the principal's office.)

shoulder the sky, my lad

I feel like I screwed a bunch of stuff up, and also had to fight twenty-five turkeys for four hours. We had "Miss W Needs Chill Out Time" time for about five minutes near the end of Math, where I turned off the lights and they had to put their heads down on their desks so I didn't flip out at them. I'm trying to be creative and innovative with consequences and making them aware of their choices and stuff, but I don't think it's working.
Whenever it comes to be around Christmas, I always get super melancholy. I get a tingly feeling in my fingers, which is a precursor for a feeling of impending drama, which is always left unfulfilled except for the fact that it makes me a bit sad. I'm waiting and waiting for something dramatic to happen, and because it's dark outside all the time I expect it to be something bad dramatic, but it never happens so I am left always waiting still. I don't really know how to explain it.

is it ever really yelling time

Yesterday my students had a giant test on acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, because they have been driving me bananas. After that, during Bible class, I asked them about what kind of volume was acceptable, and one student said, "WHISPERING AND NOT YELLING." I said, "WHY NOT YELLING?" and he said, "BECAUSE THIS IS BIBLE CLASS, NOT YELLING TIME." I found this hilarious because he and I were on opposite ends of the room, having that conversation at yelling volume, and I liked how he called it "yelling time."

It's sunny today! It hasn't been sunny in a very long time. I think I will go to the beach, after I make a dent in my giant pile of marking. Of course, since the ground is covered in frost, I will need to go to the beach in a scarf and gloves. I love going to the beach in a scarf and gloves!

run and run as the rains come

I braided my hair last night, and when I woke up it was straight. Early this morning I had to turn off my bedside fan because I was cold. When I drank my breakfast coffee outside I needed to wear a sweatshirt because it is windy and gray outside. Today = opposite day?

read me your favourite line

I haven't got anything interesting to say. It's hot outside.

Oh, if anybody here likes those historical romance books, or old timey mysteries with a hint of romance, you should request a Georgette Heyer book from the library. (Please note that she writes books in those two separate genres. If you are looking for the mystery and get one of the romances, you will be disappointed. Or maybe not, because she's pretty awesome. If you're looking for the romance and you get one of the mysteries, you will not be disappointed because there is sneaky romance! Surprise!) I can't remember why I got one of her books in the first place, but all of a sudden I am obsessed with her. She is from the early 1900s and I always assume that people were not funny until at least the 1970s, but she is super funny. Her books were published in the 1930s and surrounding eras, so they are a little bit hard to find, but some publishing company is reprinting them all and selling them for exorbitant amounts of money. I, however, went on a used bookstore treasure hunt and found 10 of her books! Five of them together in one giant hardcover volume, but still. It's all very exciting. The guy I bought them from said she sells out very quickly, so if you do request her books from the library and discover her to be as awesome as I am telling you she is, go buy her books from Amazon and leave the used bookstores to me. I say that is the most respectful way possible.

melting, melting, melting...

Assorted things:

- I am going to have a giant bald spot in the middle/front of my head. Whenever there are hairs longer than my bangs hanging out in front of my face, specifically touching my nose, I pull them out instead of moving them away. I keep doing this. If you notice a bald spot before I do, please do the kind thing and tell me. Or else buy me some headbands and I will get the message.

- I am getting used to wearing a watch! Today only. I was waiting for the library to open, and I kept pulling out my cell phone to check the time, when I realized that I could just turn my wrist ever so slightly and determine the same thing with less effort.

- I had a brilliant idea to even out my farmers tan: don't put sunscreen on the top part of my arm, only the bottom, so the top will tan and the arms will look uniform in pseudo-tan-ness! Flaw: I got a sunburn at the top of my shoulders, so now my shoulders are red, with a giant white strip, and the rest remains in all its farmer's tan glory.

That's it, I think. It's way too hot here. I thought it was supposed to be cooler in the mountains?

happiness outside my window

My favourite things right now:

- my new haircut
- my black and white dress that is lovely
- blueberries
- being productive (in the way of phone calls and appointments, not planning math unfortunately)
- orange toenail polish
- the breeze that keeps the temperature in my comfort zone
- sunshine
- knowing that my semi-colon poster is in the mail on its way to me
- the lady at the eye doctor who made my pink glasses fit perfectly so now I can wear them again


p.s. I put my toe-ring back on. It was too weird to look down constantly and see a naked toe. I think I will try again in the winter, when my feet are encased in socks, so it will be an easier transition.

All I Want for Christmas is Hose Pants (except right now, not in five months)

There's this radio commercial about some guy who is hot so he puts a hose in his pants and creates what he calls "Water Pants" or "Hydration System" or something, I can't remember what exactly. His wife is making fun of him for sticking a hose in his pants, but he's all, "Hey, it cools me down." (I googled it to try and give you more specific information, for example what it was a commercial for, but I can't find it. Probably because all I could give Google was 'radio commercial with hose pants.') Maybe it was for an iced capp from Tim Hortons or something. Maybe an air conditioning system.

Anyway. What I would really like right now is some hose water pants.

with its usual severity

Hey! Remember this? And remember when I said I'd buy it when I became a millionaire, and/or a real teacher? (Actually, I totally forgot I said I'd buy it when I became a real teacher. Which makes my news less exciting, since it's exactly what I said I would do.) Well, that website turned one year old so the guy had a 50% off sale! Which I took advantage of to also buy this. So now it costs the same as if I'd have just bought the first poster initially. But now I have two! And a classroom in which to put them.

So it's still hot out. I know I just talked about that yesterday, but I think I'm a pretty singularly-focused individual, as evidenced by a million posts about worry re: Campbell River, then a million posts re: getting the job in Campbell River, and now a million posts on how stinking hot it is. Sorry. But at least I gave you a heads up! I'm considerate like that.

Today I wore shoes to work, due to dress code regulations. However, as soon as I sat down I took my shoes off, and was working the whole time in bare feet, and guess who noticed? Nobody. Because nobody looks at my feet when I'm working.

Then I went to the mall and bought earrings I didn't need while searching for earrings I did need (which I also bought), and then a necklace and then two posters on the internet. I think someone needs to take my credit card away.

Like a Spell From the Devil

I broke out the shorts today, guys. And you know it has to be a heat wave for me to bust these things out of the closet, thanks to my unfortunate knees. (Although a kind friend once told me that nobody has nice knees. I couldn't really comment on that, since I don't especially notice the knees of others; perhaps that means nobody notices mine?? One can dream.) A memo came out at work today mentioning no visible undergarments (I guess I have to take my see-through blouse/neon bra combo out of circulation) and NO FLIP FLOPS. Which, I guess, is apt for a workplace, but come on. I'm sitting down the entire time. Nobody is looking at my feet. It's too stinking hot to shove my feet into shoes.

I think Vancouverites have a bad rap for being all "wah it's too cold" when it drops below 20 and "wah it's too hot" when it gets above 24, but I can assuredly say that never have I ever complained about how cold it is. I revel in the cold. Thusly I feel entitled to complain about this stupid heat. I'M WEARING SHORTS.

My brother offered to grill me a steak tonight, and I turned him down in favour of toast and a smoothie, because it's too hot to eat anything that's been on a grill. I concocted this recipe, and I can't tell if it's good or disgusting and I'm just so desperate for something cool that I will drink anything.

(Sidenote: I just got super deja vu from typing that last paragraph. Strange.)

Here it is for you to try:

2 cups of water (I estimated)
1/2 cup of milk (I did a big splash)
handful of frozen strawberries (or other kind of berry)
splash of lime margarita mix
2 tbsp or so of sugar (I just dumped some in)

And blend. I know the water/milk thing seems gross, right? Someone may tell me that all I've done is add milk to a virgin margarita, and I wouldn't argue with that person. I just thought I was being clever adding margarita mix to a strawberry smoothie.

We'll Live on Coffee and Flowers

A recipe that is as good as I am feeling right now:

1 tsp instant coffee
2 tbsp of boiling water (or enough to dissolve the coffee)
a bunch of ice cubes
milk
caramel syrup or something

Dissolve the coffee in the boiling water. Add ice cubes and stir around until the water is no longer hot and the ice cubes are pretty melted. Add in milk to the top of the glass, and caramel syrup or chocolate syrup or whatever to make it awesome.

SO GOOD.

I let my hair air-dry this morning, so I feel like a lion. Nobody really understands what I mean, but if you superimpose my face on to this lion's face, that would be what I look like. (I tried for like 10 minutes to create that via photoshop, but it wasn't lining up and I have to go to work.) (Later: I did it! It might be creepy, so maybe peek through your fingers. I don't think I look this creepy, but at least now you have the general idea of what my hair looks like.)

If you haven't yet stood outside and basked in the glorious sunshine and blue sky that is happening right now, I think you should. Consider it a personal favour to me.

The Moon Reflects Such a Beautiful Light

The book I just started reading has a lot of folded over pages in it. Now I'm concerned that it sucks, because a large number of people abandoned it before they finished. I haven't yet decided if I should cave to peer pressure and give up now, or persevere and make my own decision. I'll let you know what happens.

That car I looked at yesterday didn't work out. I'm disappointed because it would have been simpler if it had, and now I have to keep looking and I don't really know how or where to look. I think that everyone who posts a car on craigslist is trying to scam me, even though I have no basis for that thought, and I don't know where else people post cars. So far I'm pretty zen about the whole thing because I have lots of time, and also because stuff keeps falling into my lap. Perhaps the perfect car awaits me, I need only be patient.

One of the things I love most in the world is seeing the moon in the daytime. I don't know why, but it always makes me smile. It's like the moon is saying, "Hey guys! What's up?" and I think it's adorable. Other times, like right now, I can see a fullish moon surrounded by a foggy ring, and it's kind of creepy; but I will always love surprise daytime moon.