Today, it was stormy. I was in the middle of watching a new t.v. show about this girl who moves to Alabama to be a doctor, and she meets this super handsome, charming fellow. At one point, they are standing out on a dock and she's telling him that she's moving back to New York, and despite how cheesy the whole thing was, it was well done in that you could see that they both wished she was sticking around so they could figure out how they felt about each other. (Even though later you find out he is ENGAGED to this really mean lady. Aren't they always.)
Anyway, so I was in the middle of that when I went outside with my dog briefly. I was wearing my plaid gumboots and my ugly brown raincoat because it was stormy. Like, really stormy you guys. And I was watching the sky, with the huge dark clouds rolling by, different shades of gray and black swirling around, when I saw a strange shape flying around up there. Is that an eagle, I wondered. Could it be a heron?
I stared at it until the wind shifted and it turned out it was a big heart balloon. The red of it was a stark contrast to how black the sky was. It had a tail string, and seemed to glide and bob around leisurely despite the tumultuous wind surrounding it. I watched it until it disappeared above the clouds.
Then I thought, what is the significance of this balloon. How does it metaphorically apply to my life? Was it saying that my heart is at liberty to dance in the wind and go wherever it so chooses and I can adventure and not be encumbered by another person. Or was it saying that my heart is utterly alone in unstable and uncharted territory, because everyone I know is married and there are no boys that like me and I will die alone.
If I hadn't been watching an emotional boy-girl scene on t.v., I probably would have looked up and said, "Hey, neat. A balloon."
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
well, some people use their imagination
Old, forgotten review #3.
20. Beauty and the Beast (1991) - Paige O'Hara, Robby Benson. I rented a bunch of old Disney movies from the library, and decided that since they are full of singing and dancing, they count as musicals. In this one, as I'm sure you recall, a prince gets turned into a beast because he's a big fat jerk. There's a pretty girl named Belle, whose father stumbles upon the enchanted castle, and turned into a prisoner. Belle takes his place, and falls in love with the Beast, which ends up breaking the spell and they live happily ever after.
What I liked was nostalgia for my childhood! I watched this movie in the theatre with my family when it first came out. Also, when the Beast saves her from all the wolves, and also when he tries to eat porridge with a spoon. All the songs were fantastic, and since it was the Special Edition, I got extra songs! And, even though I was gasping and GASPING throughout the entire scene (even though I knew what was going to happen), the fight scene between the Beast and Gaston was pretty spectacular; especially the participation from the furniture. :)
There were some things I did not like, mostly because they didn't make any sense. First of all, the Beast got his curse in the first place for being unhospitable to a stranger. So would that not, therefore, make him inclined to assist all future strangers to appear at his doorstep? When Maurice goes to the castle to escape from those blasted wolves, the Beast completely rages out and throws him in the dungeon. If I was him, my first thought would be, "Hey, maybe this dude is another sorcerer trying to see if I've become a nicer person!"
Also, all the furniture is people now, because of the curse. There is no furniture that doesn't talk or whatever. My question is, did he not have furniture in the castle before the curse? Where is it all? There should be a great deal of furniture that does not talk, as it existed as furniture before all the staff was cursed into furniture. WHERE IS THAT FURNITURE?
Also, there's a bit of Stockholm Syndrome going on throughout the entire thing. Which, you know, is always creepy.
20. Beauty and the Beast (1991) - Paige O'Hara, Robby Benson. I rented a bunch of old Disney movies from the library, and decided that since they are full of singing and dancing, they count as musicals. In this one, as I'm sure you recall, a prince gets turned into a beast because he's a big fat jerk. There's a pretty girl named Belle, whose father stumbles upon the enchanted castle, and turned into a prisoner. Belle takes his place, and falls in love with the Beast, which ends up breaking the spell and they live happily ever after.
What I liked was nostalgia for my childhood! I watched this movie in the theatre with my family when it first came out. Also, when the Beast saves her from all the wolves, and also when he tries to eat porridge with a spoon. All the songs were fantastic, and since it was the Special Edition, I got extra songs! And, even though I was gasping and GASPING throughout the entire scene (even though I knew what was going to happen), the fight scene between the Beast and Gaston was pretty spectacular; especially the participation from the furniture. :)
There were some things I did not like, mostly because they didn't make any sense. First of all, the Beast got his curse in the first place for being unhospitable to a stranger. So would that not, therefore, make him inclined to assist all future strangers to appear at his doorstep? When Maurice goes to the castle to escape from those blasted wolves, the Beast completely rages out and throws him in the dungeon. If I was him, my first thought would be, "Hey, maybe this dude is another sorcerer trying to see if I've become a nicer person!"
Also, all the furniture is people now, because of the curse. There is no furniture that doesn't talk or whatever. My question is, did he not have furniture in the castle before the curse? Where is it all? There should be a great deal of furniture that does not talk, as it existed as furniture before all the staff was cursed into furniture. WHERE IS THAT FURNITURE?
Also, there's a bit of Stockholm Syndrome going on throughout the entire thing. Which, you know, is always creepy.
Monday, September 19, 2011
things i want that are awesome
COMFY NIGHT-TIME MUSIC LISTENING!
SleepPhones - Sometimes when I sleep I encounter problems. Many of them are of my own making, but some of them are not! These include, but are not limited to, loud neighbours, other members of the household talking and/or stomping around, and BRAIN OVERLOAD THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS. In these cases, I dig out my ipod from my bedside table, create a playlist of awesome, mellow songs, and jam one of the headphones in my ear. I choose the headphone based on which side I feel like sleeping on at that moment, so it's not being pressed into my ear drum by my giant head - obviously, I put in the one that belongs in the ear that is exposed to the air. But I am a fickle sleeper, not loyal to any particular side, and within several minutes I usually decide I want to sleep on the OTHER side. Which means I have to search around my bed/the floor/the air between my bedside table and my mattress to find the remaining headphone, untangle the corded mess, yank the one out of my ear, and jam the other one in my other ear. SOLUTION: soft headphone-y headbanded goodness.
THE LAZY MAN'S FACE-WASH!
Cucumber Face Cloths - I like having a clean face but I hate washing my face. I have to put all my bangs away and take off my glasses and everything. It's this huge ordeal. Plus, I need to take off my eye make-up but I'm scared to use any eye make-up remover because of the whole never-ending eye infection debacle of '10, so I presently scrub at my eyes with water and a cloth. Not sure if that's helpful. SOLUTION: These! Hypoallergenic! No rinsing! I won't need to put my bangs away because there's no water going near them! If anyone can find out where I can purchase them from an actual store, let me know.
THE BEST SHIRT FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM!
A Very Potter Musical t-shirt - Once upon a time I lived in a small town on the Island, WITHOUT CABLE. I dealt with this travesty by renting movies from the library, watching illegally uploaded movies on the internet, finding t.v. shows on various websites, and watching things on youtube. One of the things I watched on youtube was "A Very Potter Musical," which is HILARIOUS. HILARIOUS. At one point, Harry Potter is discussing his crush on Cho Chang, and someone calls her beautiful, and he's all, "What? Beautiful? More like super mega-foxy awesome hot." And then they made shirts! And I thought to myself, here's a girl who often doesn't feel super mega-foxy awesome hot, most of the time. SOLUTION: if I wear this shirt whilst I sleep, the print will subliminally message itself into my brain. Boom. Better self-esteem.
THE TIME AND INGREDIENTS TO MAKE THIS!
Iced Coffee - I love coffee. I love it when it's hot, and equally when it's cold (but only if it was meant to be cold in the first place; not like it once was hot, but now it's cold because it's been sitting on the counter for several hours and maybe a few flies have landed in it unbeknownst to me. Yuck.). Somehow I saw this recipe, which I am hesitant to make because there is no small taster-sized amount. You have to make a whole heck of a lot of it. And what if it's gross? I mean, if you glance upon the pictures it's fairly certain that it will not be gross, but still. SOLUTION: I guess I could just, you know, make it. Or something.
MAKE THE BEST HAIR ALL THE TIME!
The Cloud Nine Wand - Sometimes I tumble out of bed and half my hair looks super fantastic. There are curls popping out of my head that look soft and natural, and everything is smooth and nothing is statically charged. Unfortunately, never does ALL of my hair look super fantastic. If I want it to be all curly and flowing about my head, I have to work some magic with hair appliances. Curling irons, specifically. Which are a nice IDEA, except I always end up with that stupid little kink at the end, where the iron grasped my hair. SOLUTION: tricky tapered tube of heat. Wrap it around tightly for ringlets, or loosely for soft curls. THE BEST HAIR. ALL THE TIME.
SleepPhones - Sometimes when I sleep I encounter problems. Many of them are of my own making, but some of them are not! These include, but are not limited to, loud neighbours, other members of the household talking and/or stomping around, and BRAIN OVERLOAD THINK ABOUT ALL THE THINGS. In these cases, I dig out my ipod from my bedside table, create a playlist of awesome, mellow songs, and jam one of the headphones in my ear. I choose the headphone based on which side I feel like sleeping on at that moment, so it's not being pressed into my ear drum by my giant head - obviously, I put in the one that belongs in the ear that is exposed to the air. But I am a fickle sleeper, not loyal to any particular side, and within several minutes I usually decide I want to sleep on the OTHER side. Which means I have to search around my bed/the floor/the air between my bedside table and my mattress to find the remaining headphone, untangle the corded mess, yank the one out of my ear, and jam the other one in my other ear. SOLUTION: soft headphone-y headbanded goodness.
THE LAZY MAN'S FACE-WASH!
Cucumber Face Cloths - I like having a clean face but I hate washing my face. I have to put all my bangs away and take off my glasses and everything. It's this huge ordeal. Plus, I need to take off my eye make-up but I'm scared to use any eye make-up remover because of the whole never-ending eye infection debacle of '10, so I presently scrub at my eyes with water and a cloth. Not sure if that's helpful. SOLUTION: These! Hypoallergenic! No rinsing! I won't need to put my bangs away because there's no water going near them! If anyone can find out where I can purchase them from an actual store, let me know.
THE BEST SHIRT FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM!
A Very Potter Musical t-shirt - Once upon a time I lived in a small town on the Island, WITHOUT CABLE. I dealt with this travesty by renting movies from the library, watching illegally uploaded movies on the internet, finding t.v. shows on various websites, and watching things on youtube. One of the things I watched on youtube was "A Very Potter Musical," which is HILARIOUS. HILARIOUS. At one point, Harry Potter is discussing his crush on Cho Chang, and someone calls her beautiful, and he's all, "What? Beautiful? More like super mega-foxy awesome hot." And then they made shirts! And I thought to myself, here's a girl who often doesn't feel super mega-foxy awesome hot, most of the time. SOLUTION: if I wear this shirt whilst I sleep, the print will subliminally message itself into my brain. Boom. Better self-esteem.
THE TIME AND INGREDIENTS TO MAKE THIS!
Iced Coffee - I love coffee. I love it when it's hot, and equally when it's cold (but only if it was meant to be cold in the first place; not like it once was hot, but now it's cold because it's been sitting on the counter for several hours and maybe a few flies have landed in it unbeknownst to me. Yuck.). Somehow I saw this recipe, which I am hesitant to make because there is no small taster-sized amount. You have to make a whole heck of a lot of it. And what if it's gross? I mean, if you glance upon the pictures it's fairly certain that it will not be gross, but still. SOLUTION: I guess I could just, you know, make it. Or something.
MAKE THE BEST HAIR ALL THE TIME!
The Cloud Nine Wand - Sometimes I tumble out of bed and half my hair looks super fantastic. There are curls popping out of my head that look soft and natural, and everything is smooth and nothing is statically charged. Unfortunately, never does ALL of my hair look super fantastic. If I want it to be all curly and flowing about my head, I have to work some magic with hair appliances. Curling irons, specifically. Which are a nice IDEA, except I always end up with that stupid little kink at the end, where the iron grasped my hair. SOLUTION: tricky tapered tube of heat. Wrap it around tightly for ringlets, or loosely for soft curls. THE BEST HAIR. ALL THE TIME.
Friday, September 16, 2011
with my superhuman might
Yesterday while driving I thought about superpowers. My pre-existing super power is my sense of smell. If there is a smell to be smelled anywhere in the vicinity, I will smell it. (Some people have commented that perhaps I have an imaginary sense of smell, that smells all the imaginary smells that aren't actually there to be smelled, but that's a minor and untrue detail.) My super power that will develop after I'm struck by lightning is being able to eavesdrop without staring intently at the person I am eavesdropping on. That will make me less detectable than I am presently.
My outfit will naturally be a purple dress with shorts underneath, in case I need to kick someone in the face or jump off a building, plus stylish but sensible flats, a mask, and a cape! To help you visualize, I found the dress I am going to wear and pasted my head onto it.
My super weakness is a crippling shyness in most social situations. I will come undone if a villain tries to engage me in small talk, which renders me almost useless in any scenario in which the villain can make conversation. However, I can be revived by the wind - standing outside on a windy day, or driving really fast with the windows rolled down. Things like that. If I have a sidekick, one of his or her duties will be to carry a wind-machine with us always. You know, like they use in photoshoots?
Anyway, those were my thoughts. What are your superpowers?
My outfit will naturally be a purple dress with shorts underneath, in case I need to kick someone in the face or jump off a building, plus stylish but sensible flats, a mask, and a cape! To help you visualize, I found the dress I am going to wear and pasted my head onto it.
 |
| obviously only the head belongs to me. |
My super weakness is a crippling shyness in most social situations. I will come undone if a villain tries to engage me in small talk, which renders me almost useless in any scenario in which the villain can make conversation. However, I can be revived by the wind - standing outside on a windy day, or driving really fast with the windows rolled down. Things like that. If I have a sidekick, one of his or her duties will be to carry a wind-machine with us always. You know, like they use in photoshoots?
Anyway, those were my thoughts. What are your superpowers?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
things i forgot today
- how to write the number eight
- that I made a second pot of coffee
- to watch The Young and The Restless to find out if Billy is ever coming back to get tested to see if he is a bone marrow match for his little daughter who just got diagnosed with leukemia, and why he disappeared in the first place without telling either of his two ex-wives
- to put the old handle from my filing cabinet in my purse before I went out so I could find a new one that's the same size
- how to do things besides watch t.v. and read everything on the internet when I have a day off
- that I made a second pot of coffee
- to watch The Young and The Restless to find out if Billy is ever coming back to get tested to see if he is a bone marrow match for his little daughter who just got diagnosed with leukemia, and why he disappeared in the first place without telling either of his two ex-wives
- to put the old handle from my filing cabinet in my purse before I went out so I could find a new one that's the same size
- how to do things besides watch t.v. and read everything on the internet when I have a day off
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
the key to success
Behold my all-time fantastic never-fail strategy:
I'm a pro at applying this to basically all situations.
1. Babies. Everyone gushes over babies. I don't know what to do with them and they are so soft and bendy that I worry about damaging them. Don't give me the baby. I won't even look at the baby.
2. My job. As a Teacher-On-Call, there's so much uncertainty! Sometimes I know where I'm going the day before, but you guys, sometimes I don't. It's all very unsettling. So hey! I wish the phone would never ring. I can't plan and I don't know if it's going to be a good day or not, so let's just not even try.
3. Handsome fellows. Is there a handsome fellow in the vicinity? He probably won't be interested in me. I can't think of anything to say. Don't make eye contact with the fellow. If he tries to speak to me (which he won't), politely answer in as few words as possible, a la conversation with old person who remembers you from when you were this tall but you have no idea who they are.
4. Junk that needs to be cleaned up. Is there crap in a room that is causing a tripping hazard? Might it be somewhat important crap, or something I might need in five years or possibly never? Shove it in a box and shove the box in the closet. Bring it along when I move because there's nothing else to do with it. Bring it along again when I move again.
5. Talking to people. I am so bad at this. Even with my own family! Everybody got together for my grandma's birthday last week, and instead of talking to people I sat in a chair with my uncle and we both eavesdropped on other people's conversations.
You should all try it.
I'm a pro at applying this to basically all situations.
1. Babies. Everyone gushes over babies. I don't know what to do with them and they are so soft and bendy that I worry about damaging them. Don't give me the baby. I won't even look at the baby.
2. My job. As a Teacher-On-Call, there's so much uncertainty! Sometimes I know where I'm going the day before, but you guys, sometimes I don't. It's all very unsettling. So hey! I wish the phone would never ring. I can't plan and I don't know if it's going to be a good day or not, so let's just not even try.
3. Handsome fellows. Is there a handsome fellow in the vicinity? He probably won't be interested in me. I can't think of anything to say. Don't make eye contact with the fellow. If he tries to speak to me (which he won't), politely answer in as few words as possible, a la conversation with old person who remembers you from when you were this tall but you have no idea who they are.
4. Junk that needs to be cleaned up. Is there crap in a room that is causing a tripping hazard? Might it be somewhat important crap, or something I might need in five years or possibly never? Shove it in a box and shove the box in the closet. Bring it along when I move because there's nothing else to do with it. Bring it along again when I move again.
5. Talking to people. I am so bad at this. Even with my own family! Everybody got together for my grandma's birthday last week, and instead of talking to people I sat in a chair with my uncle and we both eavesdropped on other people's conversations.
You should all try it.
Friday, September 9, 2011
everyday you act worse, but today you're acting like tomorrow
Here is another old, forgotten musical review. Aren't you glad I found all these?
19. Roberta (1935) - Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers. This one started with a struggling band ending up in Paris and a gig getting canceled over a confusion between "Indians" and "Indianians." One of the dudes in the band is all, "I know this lady from when I was a kid who lives here, but I can't remember what her name is." Another dude is like, "Well, my aunt is this super rich dress lady, so she can probably help or something." So the band goes to the dress shop, and the aunt is lovely and she has a pretty assistant that her nephew falls for. Then this screaming countess comes around, and it turns out that she's not a countess at all, but in fact the lady the other guy was looking for, and she's faking that she's a countess!
Then it switches tracks from the whole band thing, and the aunt dies and leaves the dress shop to her nephew, and the nephew and assistant become partners and clearly both really like each other. But then! The nephew's old girlfriend shows up and is all, "Why hello, former lover who is now rich and famous." He bumbles all over her, and the assistant comes in at the exact moment when they kiss! It's awful. I actually gasped in horror. But then it turns out the assistant is a princess or something, and the old girlfriend is a jerk, and everything is okay at the end.
What I liked was all the romance, and all the dresses, and how fantastic the ending was. I also liked that there was a bit less tap dancing than in the other Fred/Ginger movie I watched. Sometimes I think too much tap dancing is a little bit boring. It was weird that Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were background characters, but they make really for a really good supporting cast. (They also make a really good central cast - either way they are fantastic.)
What I did not like was that the plot veered off into an unforeseen direction, and then it was as though they forgot what they started with. A struggling band? What? I thought we were making a movie about dresses. Oh, you say we started out with a movie about a struggling band? Pffff, nobody will remember that when they see all the DRESSES! And at one point I'm pretty sure the assistant is wearing a full-on rubber dress with a giant rubber bow right by her face. RUBBER. A RUBBER DRESS.
19. Roberta (1935) - Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers. This one started with a struggling band ending up in Paris and a gig getting canceled over a confusion between "Indians" and "Indianians." One of the dudes in the band is all, "I know this lady from when I was a kid who lives here, but I can't remember what her name is." Another dude is like, "Well, my aunt is this super rich dress lady, so she can probably help or something." So the band goes to the dress shop, and the aunt is lovely and she has a pretty assistant that her nephew falls for. Then this screaming countess comes around, and it turns out that she's not a countess at all, but in fact the lady the other guy was looking for, and she's faking that she's a countess!
Then it switches tracks from the whole band thing, and the aunt dies and leaves the dress shop to her nephew, and the nephew and assistant become partners and clearly both really like each other. But then! The nephew's old girlfriend shows up and is all, "Why hello, former lover who is now rich and famous." He bumbles all over her, and the assistant comes in at the exact moment when they kiss! It's awful. I actually gasped in horror. But then it turns out the assistant is a princess or something, and the old girlfriend is a jerk, and everything is okay at the end.
What I liked was all the romance, and all the dresses, and how fantastic the ending was. I also liked that there was a bit less tap dancing than in the other Fred/Ginger movie I watched. Sometimes I think too much tap dancing is a little bit boring. It was weird that Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were background characters, but they make really for a really good supporting cast. (They also make a really good central cast - either way they are fantastic.)
What I did not like was that the plot veered off into an unforeseen direction, and then it was as though they forgot what they started with. A struggling band? What? I thought we were making a movie about dresses. Oh, you say we started out with a movie about a struggling band? Pffff, nobody will remember that when they see all the DRESSES! And at one point I'm pretty sure the assistant is wearing a full-on rubber dress with a giant rubber bow right by her face. RUBBER. A RUBBER DRESS.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
how to not: pour out the contents of your heart
It may surprise you to know that I have BOLDLY and SHAMELESSLY told a few, if not several, boys that I liked them. GASP. I know. I'm so shy. But I have layers. However, as my facebook relationship status is still single (I think, I don't know if that's still a thing that is on my facebook page), obviously I didn't do it right. Sometimes it feels like 99% of the people I know are married, so these instructions will not apply to you, but in case that that is a slight exaggeration I present to you:
HOW TO NOT: Pour Out the Contents of Your Heart
1. Write them a note! Also, pass it through as many people as possible so that if their answer to the all important "Do you like me check yes or no" query is a heart-breaking NO, EVERYBODY will know about it!
2. If a boy you like writes you a note asking you to the dance, reply "YES" with LITERALLY A MILLION exclamation marks so that he knows exactly how you feel and becomes instantly overwhelmed by the power of your affections. That way, when it comes to the actual dance, he'll be too weirded out to actually dance with you. That's how these things are supposed to go, you know.
3. Send him a secret candy-gram at school (or work, for the grown-ups), signed "Your Secret Admirer." But don't leave it at that; who wants mystery? Tell your friend to tell him it was you! For added effect, volunteer to sell tickets at his school concert (or concert concert, for the grown-ups) so that he gets the impression you follow him around everywhere. It's super effective.
4. Wait until you've spent a lot of time being good friends, then ambush him as he is about to leave a building and confess it all! If you time it so you come in as he is trying to exit, he will have nowhere to go and will be forced to listen to all your words.
(Sometimes, when I think about a lot of the things that I have done, I seem a teeny tiny bit like a psychopath.)
HOW TO NOT: Pour Out the Contents of Your Heart
1. Write them a note! Also, pass it through as many people as possible so that if their answer to the all important "Do you like me check yes or no" query is a heart-breaking NO, EVERYBODY will know about it!
2. If a boy you like writes you a note asking you to the dance, reply "YES" with LITERALLY A MILLION exclamation marks so that he knows exactly how you feel and becomes instantly overwhelmed by the power of your affections. That way, when it comes to the actual dance, he'll be too weirded out to actually dance with you. That's how these things are supposed to go, you know.
3. Send him a secret candy-gram at school (or work, for the grown-ups), signed "Your Secret Admirer." But don't leave it at that; who wants mystery? Tell your friend to tell him it was you! For added effect, volunteer to sell tickets at his school concert (or concert concert, for the grown-ups) so that he gets the impression you follow him around everywhere. It's super effective.
4. Wait until you've spent a lot of time being good friends, then ambush him as he is about to leave a building and confess it all! If you time it so you come in as he is trying to exit, he will have nowhere to go and will be forced to listen to all your words.
(Sometimes, when I think about a lot of the things that I have done, I seem a teeny tiny bit like a psychopath.)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
you look like a mess of worms
All the kids are at school today for an hour, which means that even if teachers ARE sick they can suck it up for an hour, which means that I didn't get a call to work today. So instead I worked on my blog! And I found all these old reviews of musicals from earlier this year. I am confused because I can't remember if I posted them already, except that they're all patiently sitting in a row with "DRAFT" beside them. I'm sure blogger knows what's going on, so I'll just believe that I never published them. Probably because I watched way too much t.v. for a while back there, and didn't want you all to judge me. So I'll be posting them now. Like this one!
18. Funny Face (1957) - Fred Astaire, Audrey Hepburn. There's this girl who works in the BEST BOOKSTORE EVER, until a bunch of magazine people come in and take pictures. The photographer kisses her randomly, and then the magazine lady decides she wants the bookstore girl as a model, but the bookstore girl is morally opposed to modeling, except when it takes her to Paris, then she's cool. Except that she causes a bunch of problems with her morals, and then her and the photographer fall in love. It is unclear as to whether she continues to model or goes back to the bookstore or whatever.
What I liked in this one was the photo-shoot montage - I LOVE photo-shoot montages. Those were totally my favourite parts on America's Next Top Model. I also quite liked Audrey Hepburn in general, except the whole time I was trying to figure out if she had an accent, or was just enunciating VERY CLEARLY. (Turns out she had an accent - Belgian.) I also liked seeing Fred Astaire dancing, and listening to him sing. He does neat stuff with his voice.
Not as pleasant were the shape of Fred Astaire's head, which continues to bug me, and also the lack of a Dramatic Cinderella Make-Over Reveal Scene. I know women shouldn't have to be made over as models to be beautiful blah blah blah, but I really like a good Dramatic Cinderella Make-Over Reveal Scene. (See She's All That, Princess Diaries, Miss Congeniality.) Also, she kept going on and on about "empathicalism," which is a philosophy of life or whatever written by some French dude, but that's just REGULAR EMPATHY. You can't take something that already exists and make it into a new word and pretend you invented it. (Although this happened in a movie. Maybe it was supposed to be dumb.)
Overall, I liked it! Especially the photo-shoots.
18. Funny Face (1957) - Fred Astaire, Audrey Hepburn. There's this girl who works in the BEST BOOKSTORE EVER, until a bunch of magazine people come in and take pictures. The photographer kisses her randomly, and then the magazine lady decides she wants the bookstore girl as a model, but the bookstore girl is morally opposed to modeling, except when it takes her to Paris, then she's cool. Except that she causes a bunch of problems with her morals, and then her and the photographer fall in love. It is unclear as to whether she continues to model or goes back to the bookstore or whatever.
What I liked in this one was the photo-shoot montage - I LOVE photo-shoot montages. Those were totally my favourite parts on America's Next Top Model. I also quite liked Audrey Hepburn in general, except the whole time I was trying to figure out if she had an accent, or was just enunciating VERY CLEARLY. (Turns out she had an accent - Belgian.) I also liked seeing Fred Astaire dancing, and listening to him sing. He does neat stuff with his voice.
Not as pleasant were the shape of Fred Astaire's head, which continues to bug me, and also the lack of a Dramatic Cinderella Make-Over Reveal Scene. I know women shouldn't have to be made over as models to be beautiful blah blah blah, but I really like a good Dramatic Cinderella Make-Over Reveal Scene. (See She's All That, Princess Diaries, Miss Congeniality.) Also, she kept going on and on about "empathicalism," which is a philosophy of life or whatever written by some French dude, but that's just REGULAR EMPATHY. You can't take something that already exists and make it into a new word and pretend you invented it. (Although this happened in a movie. Maybe it was supposed to be dumb.)
Overall, I liked it! Especially the photo-shoots.
Monday, September 5, 2011
just look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness
So it was a few days ago. My mom and I are in our p.j.'s, waiting for my dad to come so we can start watching our Miss Marple movie. But my dad is all, "Just kidding, I have to make a phone call." SIGH. So we wait, and my dad picks up the phone, but before he can start dialing he notices that there is no dial tone.
"Somebody hang up the phone!" he says. "A phone is off the hook. I need to make a call."
There are like 50 phones in my house. We check all of them, but none are off the hook. The lady on the phone my dad has in his hand is saying impatiently, muffled, "Please hang up and try your call again." My dad hangs up, and tries his call again, but it is all for naught. Somewhere, there is a phone that is not resting in its place.
Suddenly, I have a thought. "Dad," I say. "Dad. What about the phone in the sunroom?"
If you've never been to my house, you will not understand why the utterance of this sentence filled me with doom. In my house are two floors. The bottom floor has this room that is made of mostly windows, so it gets stinking hot in the day and is superbly creepy at night. At night you can sit in that room and stare out the windows at black emptiness until you start imagining eyes staring back at you, and did that tree just move in an odd fashion foreign to trees that AREN'T possessed by evil spirits? Those are the things you start to think.
Since the room is uninhabitable for 99% of the day, nobody goes in there. So why would the PHONE be off the HOOK. (I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't the cats. The door is kept closed specifically to keep the cats out.)
"Okay, go - "
"I'm not going down there," I interrupt my father, clutching at my neck in a maneuver I learned from a friend.
"Why?" he asks.
"Zombies," I say.
There is a pause. If my life were a t.v. show, the cameras would cut to the aforementioned room. The phone is lying on the floor. Slow pan along the carpet, past the drying racks filled with damp clothes, past the treadmill, until you can't take it any more and it shows you what you knew was there all along. ZOMBIES.
My dad doesn't respond to my comment; neither does he say there are NOT zombies; nor does he go down to the sunroom. Probably because he is afraid of what's down there. I sit on the couch in my pajamas, as he tries to fix the phone, my mind filled with images of what the zombies are doing downstairs. When will they start to ascend the stairs? Are they slow zombies or fast zombies? How much time will we have to escape once we start hearing the slow or possibly fast thud of rotting footsteps? After I've grabbed my dog, will there be space in my arms for the filing cabinet I just bought for $30?
The attempts to fix the phone are abandoned, and my dad is waiting now to talk to someone from Telus to see what they can do. Obviously they can do nothing about the real problem downstairs.
"Dad," I say. "I really think it's the sunroom."
Humouring me, but not enough to bring a weapon such as a poker for the fire, he goes downstairs. I wait upstairs. There is no sound of a scuffle, but I'm not exactly sure what a scuffle with a zombie sounds like because I always plug my ears during those parts of the movies.
After several minutes, he comes back upstairs. He doesn't mention a word about zombies, and apparently the phone is fixed. We all carry on with our evenings, and I wonder how in the world I survived living a whole year by myself with my imagination.
"Somebody hang up the phone!" he says. "A phone is off the hook. I need to make a call."
There are like 50 phones in my house. We check all of them, but none are off the hook. The lady on the phone my dad has in his hand is saying impatiently, muffled, "Please hang up and try your call again." My dad hangs up, and tries his call again, but it is all for naught. Somewhere, there is a phone that is not resting in its place.
Suddenly, I have a thought. "Dad," I say. "Dad. What about the phone in the sunroom?"
If you've never been to my house, you will not understand why the utterance of this sentence filled me with doom. In my house are two floors. The bottom floor has this room that is made of mostly windows, so it gets stinking hot in the day and is superbly creepy at night. At night you can sit in that room and stare out the windows at black emptiness until you start imagining eyes staring back at you, and did that tree just move in an odd fashion foreign to trees that AREN'T possessed by evil spirits? Those are the things you start to think.
Since the room is uninhabitable for 99% of the day, nobody goes in there. So why would the PHONE be off the HOOK. (I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't the cats. The door is kept closed specifically to keep the cats out.)
"Okay, go - "
"I'm not going down there," I interrupt my father, clutching at my neck in a maneuver I learned from a friend.
"Why?" he asks.
"Zombies," I say.
There is a pause. If my life were a t.v. show, the cameras would cut to the aforementioned room. The phone is lying on the floor. Slow pan along the carpet, past the drying racks filled with damp clothes, past the treadmill, until you can't take it any more and it shows you what you knew was there all along. ZOMBIES.
My dad doesn't respond to my comment; neither does he say there are NOT zombies; nor does he go down to the sunroom. Probably because he is afraid of what's down there. I sit on the couch in my pajamas, as he tries to fix the phone, my mind filled with images of what the zombies are doing downstairs. When will they start to ascend the stairs? Are they slow zombies or fast zombies? How much time will we have to escape once we start hearing the slow or possibly fast thud of rotting footsteps? After I've grabbed my dog, will there be space in my arms for the filing cabinet I just bought for $30?
The attempts to fix the phone are abandoned, and my dad is waiting now to talk to someone from Telus to see what they can do. Obviously they can do nothing about the real problem downstairs.
"Dad," I say. "I really think it's the sunroom."
Humouring me, but not enough to bring a weapon such as a poker for the fire, he goes downstairs. I wait upstairs. There is no sound of a scuffle, but I'm not exactly sure what a scuffle with a zombie sounds like because I always plug my ears during those parts of the movies.
After several minutes, he comes back upstairs. He doesn't mention a word about zombies, and apparently the phone is fixed. We all carry on with our evenings, and I wonder how in the world I survived living a whole year by myself with my imagination.
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