besides which you see

I'm very "home"-minded right now. I have these ideas for what to do with my mainland home, like paint my room purple and BUY A DOG. (That's totally the plan now. I'm going to buy a dog when I come back for good in June, except I want a dog NOW, especially since there are young Border Terrier dogs available for rescue and I want a Border Terrier because there is a Border Terrier-sized hole in my heart where my wonderful old dog used to be.) I was going to go to Scotland in the summer, since my contract at the high school is for twelve months even though I'm only working for ten, so I'm getting paid for two months of not working, which is probably never going to happen again. However, since I think (I think) I have a job as a substitute with the Surrey School District (!!!!!!!!) in September, I have re-evaluated my goals at this stage in my life and I think I should use that money to buy a car and a dog.

Also, I've been having some crisis thoughts about my work as a teacher. Am I too strict/mean? Am I leaving some kids behind? Am I actually teaching the Math kids any Math? Are they losing a whole year of education because I don't know what I'm doing? I don't know if these thoughts about work are normal. I went out for coffee with a friend who is newly an accountant, and she was self-conscious about her ability to account, so maybe my self-consciousness about my ability to teach is just something that goes along with you when you're new at something.

Last night when I was watching Maria swing her guitar around and sing about how she has confidence in herself, I was thinking how great it would be to listen to that song on repeat in the morning before the kids come. It will be like my "Rocky" theme, except about confidence instead of punching.