Does anybody else go completely bananapants crazy when they hear people chewing food? For some reason that is the thing I hate the most. As soon as I hear someone's food sloshing around in their mouth as they prepare to swallow, it's like my brain turns around in my skull and everything fades from relatively normal to homicidal mania. There was this boy I liked one time, who was not a very nice boy and I knew that and all the things that were wrong about him did nothing to dissuade me from my misguided affection, until one time I heard him chewing and I could hear his food sloshing around in his mouth and that was it. I said, "Oh, I see now," and I stopped liking him in that INSTANT. (If you know a lot about me, you know that it's difficult for me to stop liking someone in an instant. So this was big news at the time.)
In this one movie where Ashley Judd gets meanly broken up with by Greg Kinnear, she goes to the doctor to see if he can disconnect her nose from her brain so she doesn't remember Greg Kinnear every time she smells laundry or whatever, and I think that what I would like is for a doctor to disconnect my ears from my medulla oblongata and then I can sit around the dinner table having normal conversations, instead of wishing that everyone would JUST STOP CHEWING.
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