subdued with painted tongues

For some reason I have an inability to stand still over the sink whilst brushing my teeth. (Side comment: one time when looking at some website about grammar, I learned that "whilst" and "while" mean exactly the same thing, and people who use high-faultin' "whilst" instead of regular old "while" are pretentious jerkfaces. This almost physically wounded me, because I LOVE "whilst," because saying things fancy instead of saying them plain is one of my favourite things. I don't know why I'm telling you this, except maybe I want your opinion, and argue that I think people who use "whilst" are whimsical but there is nothing wrong with people who say "while.") This has led to a lot of toothpaste-stained shirts, because hey, did you know that if you get toothpaste on something it bleaches it? Surprise! The reason I mention it is because I'm worried about accidentally leaving behind little bleach dots all over the carpet in my new apartment and then I don't think I'll get my damage deposit back. Or, maybe I use too much toothpaste and it's not supposed to froth out of my mouth like it does? Before I reduce the amount I use to conduct an experiment on this query, I should pretend I have rabies because I've never done that before.