only as brave as your weapons

You guys, this is how awesome I am.

- three spiders and two ants on my patio are no longer with us thanks to my CRAZY FLYSWATTER OF DOOM. This is my reaction: 1) GAAAAAAAAAAAAASP!! 2) *jump out of chair and grab flyswatter* 3) SMACK! “Ha!” Question: is the relish with which I assassinate these creatures and the subsequent glee I feel a sign that I am a psychopath? Just something to ponder.

- one crane fly (or drunk-driver fly, as they were known throughout my childhood) KILLED IN MIDAIR because it unwittingly stumbled into my bedroom in the middle of the night. This is my reaction: 1) *listen to bizare tap tap tap sound* “Am I being robbed? Is there a mouse in here? Is it a monster?” 2) *locate sound – coming from between blinds and window* 3) *jump out of bed and grab spare flyswatter. Stalk crane fly, who refuses to hold still and then LANDS ON MY CLOTHING. Ew.* 4) “You know what? Take THAT.” *SMACK with flyswatter in the general direction of the psycho crane fly, THUMP goes crane fly into my box of shoes. KILLED IN MIDAIR you guys.*

Now if only I could figure out what to do about the fruit flies. They are too small for my flyswatter.