There are two computers in the office in my house: one is nice and new and fast, and the other is a slow junky junker. So if one were to take a guess as to which computer would be hooked up to a printer, one would guess the new one, right? Right. Unfortunately, the new one didn't want to be hooked up to the printer or something, I don't know, because the printer resides with our old computer which is a STUPID PIECE OF CRAP. I am trying to plan ahead for the classes I am teaching in September, and to do so I needed to print something out, for which I need the old computer. I clicked on the internet icon on the desktop and then multi-tasked for about three hours, because watching it process my request is an exercise in patience that I am not willing to endure. When I returned several moments ago, it was STILL PROCESSING, so I thought that, to aid its slow computer brain, I would click the icon several thousand more times and make things go faster. (This was a bad idea.) It was as though my body was slowly filling up with liquid, and the closer this imaginary liquid was getting to the top of my head the closer I was to hitting my computer in its stupid computer face. Fast-forward five more minutes: I have punched the monitor and now it is still processing and my hand hurts. So instead of literally throwing my computer monitor on the ground, I decided to blog about it. (Lots of people say 'literally' and do not actually mean literally, but this time I really mean literally.)
The old computer monitor is like lavender. Throughout my life I've gotten about 100 hours of sleep total, so I've tried all these methods to help with sleep, and lavender is one of those natural things that is supposed to zonk you out. So I bought lavender essential oil, which was to be placed on my pillow and help me to drift off into a peaceful, lavender-scented slumber. However, it failed to deliver and so I started putting lavender closer and closer to my face, eventually right under my nose, hoping that the more I smelled it the more effective it would be. This was an incorrect hypothesis, so during the month or so of trials I would just lie there, smelling lavender and getting angrier and angrier. Now the smell of lavender is an instant rage trigger, much as I feel that even glimpsing at the old computer monitor will send me into a frenzy. If I were the Hulk, these would be what would make me turn green. The Hulk had whatever it was he had; I have lavender and old computer monitors.
