guys listen here

For some reason this is the funniest thing in my life right now. In case you don't want to click on it, I have transcribed it below for your enjoyment.

Guys...

guys

Guys.

Guys listen.

I have the best ide

guys listen.

I have the best idea ever.

guys

I'll put WINGS

guys

wings

I'll put WINGS
guys listen here

I'll put WINGS... on my BACK legs.

a hole where the lightening went through

Sometimes there are those mornings where you wake up and everything is fine. Today is going to be a normal day, you think to yourself. You drink your coffee and eat your breakfast like every other day, and then head off to work. Then at work instead of a normal staff meeting in the morning, there is a box of kleenex on the table and the principal looks somber.

There was a lady who worked at my school for years and years and years. I only met her a few times and emailed her once or twice, but I heard such great stories about her from other teachers and also students. A while ago, maybe a year or so, she was diagnosed with cancer; her health was up and down like these things tend to be, but the whole school was fervently praying and some were fasting and holding benefit concerts and felt like something good was going to happen.

As soon as we saw the kleenex on the table, everyone knew what the principal was going to say. I started crying, and instantly felt bad for doing so, because all the people around me knew her so much better than I did. I didn't know if I had the right to be as sad as I was, because I'd only just met her.

I was still crying when I had to go open the door for my students, and they all asked me what was going on but I couldn't tell them until we had an assembly. I cried in front of all of my classes today, which felt strange. I'm supposed to be the grown-up in these situations. The teacher is supposed to be strong for the students, right? I wonder if I'll ever get the hang of that.

Most of the students in the high school went home after lunch, so for the rest of the afternoon the remaining students were wandering the halls, watching The Emperor's New Groove in one classroom and Mr. Bean in another. Some of my grade sevens were complaining about how boring it was and why aren't we learning anything, and I became angry with them because didn't they understand? But then I realized that no, they didn't. They're still just little, and not all of them knew her because she'd never taught them.

Finally the bell rang and everybody left. It was a weird, terrible day, and being sad is exhausting but now I can't sleep. I don't know what's going to happen on Monday. Are we going to go back to normal? How are we supposed to feel? I realized that when I'm not surrounded by people who are devastated by this loss, I don't feel as sad. A lot of my tears are triggered by being around people who are crying. That makes me wonder if any of my feelings are real.

a gentle, gentle, gentleman

Today was a good day. Even though I had to give several lectures on tidiness and respect and felt like a parent for much of the day, when the last bell rang and all the kids shuffled out I felt quite peaceful. At lunch I was joking with some of the staff, and then chatting with the VP about a course we both teach, and it suddenly seemed strange that one month ago I did not know any of these people that I see and interact with every day. Now they're such a big part of my life! It's weird.

This is a scene from Socials class today:

Miss W: "The grade eights get two lockers, I'm pretty sure."

Student: "You're wrong!"

Miss W: (sigh) "When you need to tell someone they're wrong, what's a better way of saying it?"

Student: (sheepish) "You could say-"

Miss W: (cleverly) "YOU'RE WRONG!"

Student: (laughs) "Okay, you could say-"

Miss W: (even more cleverly) "YOU'RE WRONG! How does that make you feel?"

Student: "Okay, you could say, 'Sorry, you might be wrong.'"

Miss W: "Yes, thank you. Nobody likes to be wrong, so say it nicely."

Student: "Especially women!"

Miss W: "WHAT."

I can honestly say I have never seen a student more afraid of me than that student was in that moment.

In his defense, I know he is a good kid and didn't mean it disrespectfully - he probably heard something like that said somewhere else and it got a good reaction, so he thought it would be funny. He was so terrified when I came out to meet him in the hallway (which was where I had banished him to), he was almost crying. He said, "Miss W, you didn't let me finish. I was going to say, 'Especially women, because they are usually always right, so it... so...'"

I said, "Is that really what you were going to say, or did you make that up right now to try and make it better?"

Then we had that conversation about respect and women and blah blah blah, and it made me feel very parent-y. I do not think he will say anything like that any time soon.

When I moved, my mother sent with me a book filled with recipes and tips, and one of her tips was, "If you are starving while waiting for your dinner to cook, that is a good time to eat your vegetables so you are healthy and don't spoil your dinner." While waiting for my chicken to cook this evening, I ate a box of Cracker Jacks. I'm pretty sure that's what she meant, right?

set a fire in a blackberry field

I am so cranky right now. I was completely fine this morning, and then I was going to plan my outfit for tomorrow and realized that I couldn't find my black skirt, so I looked on all my hangers to see if I had stuck it underneath another shirt or something to save hangers, and then I pulled all my clothes out of my closet and wardrobe and STILL couldn't find it, and now all my clothes are in a pile on the floor and I am too angry to clean them up. Having a messy room also makes me angry, so every time I look in my room I get angrier. I ended up going to the store to buy a new skirt, because even if I left it at home I was excited about wearing it TOMORROW, and if I have to wait until I go back home to get it nothing I wear will feel good because I wanted to wear a specific thing. Then I have only had one favourite pair of socks my whole life, and today I had to throw them away because they spontaneously erupted in holes. Then I wanted to watch an episode of The Office with my second cup of coffee, but the DVD kept freezing and it wouldn't let me fast forward past the freezing, and it didn't fix after I tried the old pull it out and blow on it trick. I was going to take the DVD out and break it in half in righteous anger, but then realized that DVD's can't feel pain so it would only make me more upset and the DVD wouldn't understand or be hurt by it. Now I have to go to school and meet all the parents in the entire school, because it's the dedication service.

I think this probably stems from staying up last night being worried about zombies.

it slithers in the wild

One of my fears about living on my own is that I have a stupid imagination, and imagine all sorts of terrible things while I am lying in bed trying to sleep. It's less scary when there is someone else in the house, but when I am on my own who is there to protect me from the monsters? Case in point: yesterday, for some reason, I watched a promo on the internet for this show about zombies. There was one scene where zombie fingers were trying to pry open a door, and another with a creepy gliding zombie child, and another where a man had a picture of his wife beside his window, and a rifle aimed outside at the zombies coming towards him, and he wiped tears off his face, and they didn't show it but I KNEW one of the zombies he'd have to shoot was his wife and that part wasn't scary, it just broke my heart. I hope that if I get married, my husband never turns into a zombie and I never have to shoot him because I don't think I could ever be emotionally ready for that.

Anyway, so lying in my bed last night with my screen-less window partially open for fresh air and earplugs in to block out the stupid music that keeps going throughout the night, I imagined all sorts of zombie things happening in my room. I had my eyes squeezed shut and kept thinking to myself that I am such an idiot, why did I watch that promo? It's not like it was SURPRISE ZOMBIES! The show is called The Walking Dead or something like that, so it was pretty obvious that there was going to be zombies. I don't even believe in zombies, but in the middle of the night the logical part of my brain is not exactly the most active.

Basically what I am saying is that I would like one of you to come and visit me, and bring a rifle so you can protect me from the zombies.

how woozy my eyes

I woke up this morning with a migraine. Probably this resulted from my unfortunate decision to watch 12 episodes of The Office last night because I was tired and didn't feel like doing anything else. Two previous times when I've had migraines I've discovered that distraction tactics work really well - if I just lie in bed all I'm thinking about it my brain and how much it hurts, but if I do other stuff then I don't notice it or focus on it, and it goes away faster. This morning all I had to distract myself with was cleaning my filthy apartment and doing a plethora of dishes; then I could only read. That didn't last very long, because then I fell asleep, and woke up at 1:30! In the afternoon! Sleeping away the entire day. At least the migraine was mostly gone, so I went to Save-On because I'd run out of food.

While at Save-On, I realized I will never say a bad thing about buggies again. I had a million things to get, but couldn't find a quarter anywhere, so I had to use one of those little baskets. That got uncomfortable really fast, and I ended up with a full basket, plus two hands full of yogurt, eggs, butter, and ear plugs. I gazed longingly at all the people with buggies. I have now realized the worth of such an unwieldy machine.

Also, I've left two little tooth-paste bleach stains on my carpet, just as I feared. However, the person before me left cigarette burns in the same carpet, so I think I'll be okay.

at least i can start suffering and write that symphony

I set a trap for my fruit flies, and I caught one after dinner today but then it escaped. Stupid fruit flies. They thwart me!

Everything came together for pictures today! I took some and posted some on my creativity blog (oh yah... I have a creativity blog. That I totally have not forgotten about.) and then some others on facebook. I tried to be all fancy with the editing, but taking pictures that look good is HARD, man! It seems like it should be easy but it is not. I took a bunch of junky ones.

I like this one, though

This one I think is good, too

This one might be too purple, if such a thing were possible

Tonight I stayed at work until almost 7 because I had a mini-melt down after school, and my wonderful work friend came to visit me and helped me make seating plans to make my hooligans more efficient. Today in one math class I banished one kid to the hall, and kept two after class. GAH! But then I found out how the laminator works, and I'm going to laminate a bunch of stuff tomorrow. That will make me feel better. And while I'm doing that I can figure out how to love my math class. I need to change what I am doing somehow, but I don't know how.

I need to pack my lunch but I don't really feel like moving. Is it Friday afternoon yet?

skies are going to clear up so i can take pictures

Now that I am in possession of a camera AND batteries AND a memory card, the skies are gray and gross. Isn't that just the way life is.

I have had two, count them TWO, dinner successes. Well, of course eggs and stuff always work out for me, but I mean trying out actual recipes that my mother sent along with me so I could eat actual meals with more than one food group in them. I made honey chicken with rice last week and it was delicious, and tonight I made sweet and sour meatballs and rice and it was also delicious. I am so awesome. Although, have you ever MADE meatballs? Pretty much the most disgusting process of all time. I can now understand why my mother does not eat ground beef after smooshing it around into the shapes in which I eat it. You have to roll it up into little balls, like you're making cookies, except instead of yummy dough cookies it's gross meat cookies with leftover blood still inside. And for some reason the ground beef I bought from Save-On was different than the ground beef I see at home - it's all rolled up in strings instead of in crumbly bits. Like beef shoelaces, or brains. So basically I was making cookies out of bloody shoelace brains.

(It's a good thing I made the meatballs yesterday and ate them today, and then wrote this after I ate them, because I just grossed myself out.)

I started giving lollipops out in my glass for random good behaviour, and what that means is that I am a GENIUS. Intermittent positive reinforcement is the BOMB, you guys. Every time one of my students says anything or sits properly, "Can I have a lollipop?" And I give them a stern look and say, "No. I will give out the lollipops randomly for awesome behaviour." For example, a boy in my grade nine math class who'd never understood rotations before randomly was able to get it (through no fault of mine, it was just a random epiphany), so I gave him one. Then in Science it started raining and all my kids were fascinated by the rain falling on the kids outside, so I let them watch for a couple minutes before returning to work, and one girl said, "That's like abiotic rain interacting with biotic kids," which is what we were just learning about! So I gave her one. And then I accidentally rolled up my overhead screen all the way and couldn't reach it with any of my improvised tools, so one boy volunteered to stand on another boy's shoulders and get it down for me, so I gave them one for being creative and helpful. Now all my students are trying to be creative, helpful, properly-behaved epiphany-havers. It's great.

Like if you put on flip flops you're saying, "I hope I don't get chased today. Be nice to people in sneakers."

I just bought a camera from Wal-Mart and I was super excited about it because I want to take pictures of the sky and show you, but then I found out that the memory card is sold separately. Batteries are included, but not the memory card. Thanks Canon, I'm pretty sure I could have taken care of the batteries on my own. Now I have to go back to Wal-Mart tomorrow and I can't take pictures of the sky tonight.

Since I don't have cable, I rented a bunch of movies from the library so I'd have something to watch. Two of them were disasters (the comedy one I mentioned earlier, and a Charles Dickens major depressing long disaster), but now I am watching Demetri Martin special, and it is fabulous. I love him. I tried to find a clip on youtube of his joke about straws and ice, but I couldn't find it. Oh well. Anyway, he's pretty much the best comedian ever.

Today I found out that one of my grade nine students told his sister that I was mean! I find this actually hilarious because he was part of the class with the boys who told me the wrong name. Yes I am mean if you are a bunch of hooligans. That's fine with me.

hear the bees buzzing through the walls

This morning I was drinking coffee and reading outside on my patio, and suddenly I looked up and there was a bee RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. Right between my eyes, hovering and gazing at me. (I'd just awesomely french-braided my hair, so maybe he was infatuated with my beauty.) I freaked out and dumped my entire mug of coffee all over myself. Now all my clothes are in the laundry and I am drinking a new cup of coffee and reading INSIDE.

Suddenly I am a social butterfly. Last night one of the teachers from work invited me over for dinner, with some other teachers and their families. I was really nervous and googled how to be good a small talk before I left, but none of that was very helpful. Thankfully everyone else was capable of holding conversations without internet assistance, which made it easier for me and it was a lot of fun! Tonight is a staff potluck, and now that I know some of them better from last night I think I will be less shy. This is good, because everyone on staff is so friendly to me and always asking how I'm doing and if I need any help, but I can't turn that into a continued conversation so I'm worried they all think I'm a snob. Not tonight! Tonight I will be brave and chatty. Then tomorrow after church I am going to my wonderful new work friend's house for lunch! I am so proud of how brave I am being.

Also, I figured something out. Thursday was terrible, and I was thinking about starting each class on Friday by drilling "RESPECT" into their brains, but then I realized that they are kids, and I am a grown-up, and I shouldn't have lost my patience no matter how they were behaving, and I need to love them and show them grace. With that in mind, Friday was infinitely better. Maybe I am getting the hang of this thing finally.

Now the bee has come in through my window and is inspecting my furniture. I guess I have bewitched him!

takes an ocean not to break

Today was a crying day. I only actually shed a tear on two occasions, but I definitely choked up way more times than that. I don't know why - maybe because I think I'm getting sick, or maybe because I wanted to finish my book last night so I stayed up until midnight. Someone needs to come visit me and take all my books away. I almost cried at the end of the day, because it was stressful and awful, and then again when the janitor told me that he'd heard one of my students telling their parents how much they loved having me as their teacher, and then again for some reason when two fire trucks went by me on the street, and when I heard on the radio about a boil water advisory for the Comox Valley. I cried for real when I was watching a documentary about Canadian comedy and the section about John Candy reminded me about my brother and how much I miss my family, and then when they did a section about Phil Hartman and I was sad that he and a bunch of other people from the documentary are dead. This is what I think: I need to stop watching documentaries about comedy because they are sad instead of funny, and I should probably go to bed right now because apparently I am not getting enough sleep.

maybe i will be okay

This is what I learned today: don't wear new shoes when you are going to be standing for the whole day. (Luckily the secretary keeps a jar of band-aids outside her office.) Photocopying at 4:30 is perfect because everyone else has gone home except the new teachers. Drink lots of water otherwise you are going to get kidney stones. (I don't have kidney stones. I just noticed that yesterday I didn't drink anything even though I was talking all day; today I've already dranken one and a half of my water bottles! No kidney stones for me if I can keep this up.) Even if you think all the students are out of the building, you need to adhere to the dress code and not bare your shoulders because there still might be some hanging around! No matter how nice your students seem, they will try and distract you by pretending to take an interest in your life. Being prepared for the next few classes comes in really handy when it takes them twenty minutes to complete what you allowed an hour for.

I set my alarm clock and my cell phone alarm this morning as a precaution, and both went off at the same time and I nearly had a heart attack. Also, I was the one who opened the school this morning, so I think I can sleep in a bit. Everyone on staff is really nice and asking me how things are going, and I can honestly say that things are going well! Another not-very-stressful day under my belt. It was actually the grade sevens I had to wrangle, due to some unkind remarks said jokingly and an inability to pay attention when someone else is talking. The older kids were not as scary as I thought they'd be, but I am prepared to be tough if their niceness is just a front.

I played the name game three times today. If you see me and I forget your name, it's because I have 74 new ones in my brain.

there's no explosions here

So. Today was the first day of school! I was anticipating all this chaos and uncertainty and just hanging on by my fingernails until 10:30 when the children were released, but honestly: it was a little bit boring. (At first I was disappointed, but then I realized I was on crack and instead it was actually a most wonderful answer to prayer.) There was only one catastrophe, and it occurred before I even left my house this morning. Last night I DEFINITIVELY remember setting my alarm for 6:20. I remember checking it several times, because doesn't it always happen that your alarm does exactly what you want it to every morning except the MOST IMPORTANT MORNING OF YOUR LIFE. I woke up at an unfortunate hour, still groggy from sleep, and pondered, "I wonder how much time I have left until my alarm goes off." I reached over and turned my clock around (the neon lights keep me awake) and squinted until I could read the numbers: 7:02. "Well now," I said aloud, "that simply cannot be. I set my alarm to wake me up 40 minutes ago, and I have to be at school in 25 minutes."

I put my glasses on, in case my bleary, fuzzy vision was playing a trick on me, and discovered that oh yes, it was indeed 7:02 and something had gone horribly wrong with my alarm. But you know, it's amazing what a body can do when given the least amount of time to look dazzling and professional in the morning. Usually I like to laze about and drink my coffee whilst enjoying some cartoons, but not this morning. Luckily my hair cooperated and I'd set my outfit out the night before, so I made it out the door only 5 minutes behind. Luckily also I only live 5 minutes away from school, and I am a keener so I was there almost hours before everyone else.

Other than that, everything went smoothly. All my kids came, they found their desks and their lockers, and understood my rules and expectations, and put their names in their agendas, and asked me questions about cell phones and ipods, and then they went home. When my classroom was empty of bodies I sat on my stool and just stared at the desks for a moment. Did that really just happen? Did my first day EVER really go off without a hitch?

It really and truly did. I'm sorry it doesn't make for a better story, but there might be tales to tell tomorrow, the first REAL day of school with full classes and everything. Tomorrow I teach three blocks of Math, grade nine included, and I meet my oldest students who might turn out to be a bunch of hooligans. But I'll be armed with my hooligan-wrangling hat and several teacher's guides, so I'm sure it will be fine.

On another note, I really need to get a camera. The skies in Campbell River are AMAZING, and I have the most beautiful view from my classroom window. I wish you guys could see it.

two is all you need

I finally had my wildlife moment. I was walking on the ramp towards the waiting room at the Horseshoe Bay ferry terminal, which runs along the water for quite some time, when suddenly I thought I saw something in the water. I stopped and peered closer, and indeed it was two seals! Two! Seals! Just hanging out, doing flips and stuff. I smiled the smile that I've always wanted to smile, but nobody asked me about it because they were all strangers and none of them stopped to see what I was smiling at. It's okay, though, because I saw seals. Two seals!

I also had that awkward moment in which I accidentally referred to my apartment as home. Me: "And when I get home... I mean to my apartment-" Mom: "I heard you say home." Uncomfortable silence.

I thought it would never feel like home, but I think it does now. It felt weird to leave it for a few days as I briefly sojourned HOME home. I can't imagine how attached I'll be in a few more weeks. (Except the radio sucks. There are no good radio stations. Thankfully I live five minutes from everything, so I can flip continuously between the three stations for the duration of my drive and arrive at my destination before I become annoyed.)

Tomorrow is the first day of school. My first first day of school from behind the desk! I'm a little bit scared, but it's funny because I met a few of my students last week and I keep forgetting they are just as scared of me as I am of them. I'm sure it will be fine.

i complain a lot in this one

Today I was chatting with my wonderful new work friend about how unstressed I am presently feeling about THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL starting. Pretty much I'm super chill right now.

Or so I thought. (Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN.) (I hope you heard that dramatic music as dramatically as it played in my head.)

As some of you may know because I complained about it a lot previously, I had a bunch of eye infections in a row. Someone suggested to me it may be my stress reaction. I was all, "Psh, no. I'm not stressed." That was a fib, and now that I am wiser I think it might be my stress reaction.

Hey guys, guess what happened to me tonight? Watching tv, watching tv, watching tv, BAM eye infection. Out of nowhere. In both my stinking eyes.

And then when I opened my new mic I will use for Skyping, the plastic encasement sliced open several of my fingers.

And then both my wrists started showing signs of wear and tear which is an indication that I need to wear my wrist braces.

On the first day of school, I am going to have bloodshot eyes, several bandaids, and two wrist braces on. My kids are going to be FREAKED.